A few funnies from Canada
Mar 27, 2013 16:17:28 #
Two Different Doctor's Offices
Two patients limp into two different medical clinics with the same complaint. Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement.
The FIRST patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and has a time booked for surgery the following week.
The SECOND sees his family doctor after waiting 3 weeks for an appointment, then waits 8 weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another week and finally has his
surgery scheduled for 6 months from then.
Why the different treatment for the two patients?
...... the FIRST is a Golden Retriever.
..... the SECOND is a Senior Citizen ( or a Canadian).
Next time take me to a vet!
Income Tax Return
After filing their personal tax returns by April 30th, many Canadians will again receive a tax refund.
This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it in a Q & A format:
Q. What is a tax refund payment? A. Its money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money? A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money? A. Only a smidgen of it.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment ? A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China? A. Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the Canadian economy by spending your tax refund wisely:
* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.
* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan or China .
* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala.
* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea..
* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.
* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in Canada by:
1) Spending it at yard sales, or
2) Going to hockey games, or
3) Spending it on prostitutes, or
4) Beer or
5) Tattoos.
(These are the only truly Canadian businesses still operating)
Conclusion:
Go to a hockey game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day!
No need to thank me, I'm just glad to be of help
The telephone rings, and the wife answers.
A pervert with heavy breathing, says
"I bet you have a tight ass, with no hair."
Woman replies, "Yes, he's watching TV - whom shll I say is calling?"
Two patients limp into two different medical clinics with the same complaint. Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement.
The FIRST patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and has a time booked for surgery the following week.
The SECOND sees his family doctor after waiting 3 weeks for an appointment, then waits 8 weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another week and finally has his
surgery scheduled for 6 months from then.
Why the different treatment for the two patients?
...... the FIRST is a Golden Retriever.
..... the SECOND is a Senior Citizen ( or a Canadian).
Next time take me to a vet!
Income Tax Return
After filing their personal tax returns by April 30th, many Canadians will again receive a tax refund.
This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it in a Q & A format:
Q. What is a tax refund payment? A. Its money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money? A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money? A. Only a smidgen of it.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment ? A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China? A. Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the Canadian economy by spending your tax refund wisely:
* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.
* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan or China .
* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala.
* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea..
* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.
* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in Canada by:
1) Spending it at yard sales, or
2) Going to hockey games, or
3) Spending it on prostitutes, or
4) Beer or
5) Tattoos.
(These are the only truly Canadian businesses still operating)
Conclusion:
Go to a hockey game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day!
No need to thank me, I'm just glad to be of help
The telephone rings, and the wife answers.
A pervert with heavy breathing, says
"I bet you have a tight ass, with no hair."
Woman replies, "Yes, he's watching TV - whom shll I say is calling?"
Mar 27, 2013 16:29:09 #
Mar 27, 2013 17:51:27 #
Mar 27, 2013 19:13:54 #
Mar 27, 2013 22:32:45 #
I'll laugh for the two of us...hardy har har
sarge69 wrote:
Thanks for the laugh.
Was supposed to laugh wasn't I.
Sarge69
Was supposed to laugh wasn't I.
Sarge69
Mar 28, 2013 07:14:23 #
Mar 28, 2013 07:47:22 #
Mar 28, 2013 09:01:10 #
Mar 28, 2013 09:21:10 #
Mar 28, 2013 09:54:37 #
Mar 28, 2013 15:43:27 #
I resent the attack on Canadian medicine. My wife became very ill over Christmas. She was looked at immediately in the ER and admitted. She spent 9 days in intensive care. Her doctor visited her once and twice a day every day including Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. The nurses were remarkable. When she was released, my bill was ten dollars (for the telephone.)
About a month ago I became worried about an increase in my blood pressure. I made an appointment with my doctor who saw me within 24 hours. He ordered blood tests and a chest x-ray which could have been done that very day. However it was my choice to put it off a couple of days. So lay off the jokes. It was especially offensive coming from a fellow Canadian.
About a month ago I became worried about an increase in my blood pressure. I made an appointment with my doctor who saw me within 24 hours. He ordered blood tests and a chest x-ray which could have been done that very day. However it was my choice to put it off a couple of days. So lay off the jokes. It was especially offensive coming from a fellow Canadian.
Mar 28, 2013 16:23:30 #
rps wrote:
I resent the attack on Canadian medicine. My wife ... (show quote)
Man lighten up! It's a joke,ok?
Mar 29, 2013 13:41:40 #
To Bob McCulloch
It's not so much a joke as the sad state of affairs you have to laugh at it or it will make you cry
It's not so much a joke as the sad state of affairs you have to laugh at it or it will make you cry
Mar 29, 2013 13:44:51 #
To RPS
My dad spent 6 months waiting to see a cancer specialist.
By the time he got to see him he was already in the hospital and the cancer had spread so much that all they could do was give him pain killers. The cancer doctor tried to talk us into giving him experimental drugs as they knew he was going to die soon. He was under extreme care and so full of pain killers that he didn't know who he was or what was going on. I told them we might have consented to the experimental drugs if they had seen him when the initial referral was given. This was a reoccurring cancer so they knew he had it just not how bad.
I am glad for you and your wife that you both got such quick attention.
My dad spent 6 months waiting to see a cancer specialist.
By the time he got to see him he was already in the hospital and the cancer had spread so much that all they could do was give him pain killers. The cancer doctor tried to talk us into giving him experimental drugs as they knew he was going to die soon. He was under extreme care and so full of pain killers that he didn't know who he was or what was going on. I told them we might have consented to the experimental drugs if they had seen him when the initial referral was given. This was a reoccurring cancer so they knew he had it just not how bad.
I am glad for you and your wife that you both got such quick attention.
rps wrote:
I resent the attack on Canadian medicine. My wife ... (show quote)
Apr 7, 2013 19:57:15 #
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