sarge69 Loc: Ft Myers, FL

- PARAPROSDOKIANS: (Winston Churchill loved them.) Here is the definition:
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- "Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation."
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- "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian.
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- 1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
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- 2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
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- 3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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- 4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
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- 5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
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- 6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left..
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- 7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
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- 8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
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- 9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
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- 10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
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- 11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
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- 12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
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- 13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
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- 14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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- 15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
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- 16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
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- 17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
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- 18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
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- 19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
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- 20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
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- 21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
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- 22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
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- 23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
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- 24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
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- 25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
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- 26. Where there's a will, there's relatives.

I especially like # 20

gerhel Loc: Sweden

10 & 17 is also two good ones

farmerjim Loc: Rugby, England

:) :) Thanks Sarge :thumbup: my faves are 2.6.9.and 19.
I've got an alternative to #14...
Women will never achieve true equality until they learn to lift the seat after using the lavatory.

I've got that framed in the loo. [What do you Americans say? Restroom isn't it?]

photophly Loc: Old Bridge NJ

These are all good.....I like 23-13 and 6

sarge69 Loc: Ft Myers, FL

Ya and we have the same problem. Those girls leaving the seat down and then complaining about spots on it. What nerve.

Sarge69

Nikonista Loc: England

This seems to be a universal issue across many national boundries. In all honesty how hard can it be to rectify and why do the girls find it so annoying? Beats me.


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BW326 Loc: Boynton Beach, Florida

My favorite is a line from "Strange Brew": The Adventures of Bob & Doug McKenzie"

"Just because I don't know what I'm talking about, doesn't mean I'm lying."

tiger1640 Loc: Michigan

Why are they called paper cuts, when they are really finger cuts?


I asked the librarian to direct me...to the Self-Help section, but she said "Wouldn't that kinda be self-defeating?"

Happy women's day!
It was supposed to be celebrated yesterday, but they took a lot of time to get ready..!

GHO Loc: Rock # 3

I think # 1 is my favorite. I have to remember it when some one starts a topic that is political, religious, or has to do with immigration. You just know all they are trying to do is muck rake.
GHO

Hal81 Loc: Bucks County, Pa.

Restroom? In the south they call it the out house.

sarge69 Loc: Ft Myers, FL

And all you need there is the wood sanded smooth. No folding seats

Sarge69