DAVE FISHING wrote:
2 hours from Phoenix and you can go snow skiing. You not me.
Temps here in SE Florida similar. And 2hrs (by Plane ) and we too can go snow skiing!!
Seems that the only group that can be poked and prodded with impunity these days is one to which I proudly belong-OGWG-Old Grumpy White Guys.
1.
We talk to ourselves, because sometimes we need expert
advice.
2.
Sometimes we roll our eyes out loud.
3.
We don't need anger management. we need people to stop
pissing us off.
4.
Our people skills are just fine. It's our tolerance of
idiots that needs work.
5.
The biggest lie we tell ourselves is "I don't need
to write that down, I'll remember
it."
6.
When we were a child we thought nap time was punishment. Now
it's like a mini-vacation.
7.
The day the world runs out of vodka is just too terrible to
think about.
8.
Even duct tape can't fix stupid, but it can muffle the
sound!
9.
Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the
dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes
smaller.
10.
If God wanted us to touch our toes, he would've put them
on our knees.
11.
When the kids text us "plz" which is shorter than
please. we text back "no" which is shorter than
"yes."
12.
At our age "getting lucky" means walking into a
room and remembering what we came in there
for.
I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.
After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, John woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That's when he realized he had made it home safely.
Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Para-Olympics after they tested positive for WD40.
A boy asks his granny, ''Have you seen my pills, they were labeled LSD?'' Granny replies, ''The hell with the pills, did you see the dragons in the kitchen?"
Wife gets naked and asks hubby, ''What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?'' Hubby looks her up and down and replies, ''Your sense of humor!'' Hospital visiting hours are 5:00 to 6:00 PM.
A chap's wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part. The viewing will be Saturday from 7:00 till 8:30.
I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
I woke up this morning at 8:00 and could sense something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered, McDonald's serves breakfast until 11:30
· My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!
Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris Wheel.
· The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!" The doctor says I should be able to see again in about ten days. The broken arm will take about a month.
Saw it on the news. It was a glider being towed before release.
A glass of wine
To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine and those who don't and
are always seen with a bottle of water in their hand:
As Ben Franklin said:
In wine there is wisdom,
In beer there is freedom,
In water there is bacteria.
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated
that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli,
(E. Coli) - bacteria found in feces.
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop annually.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or rum, whiskey
or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process
of boiling, filtering and fermenting.
Remember:
Water = Poop,
Wine = Health
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid,
than to drink water and be full of Shit .
sb wrote:
They most certainly do walk amongst us - and sadly they breed fairly freely amongst themselves...
My experience #1: Years ago (before online booking) I called United Airlines to reserve a seat on a flight from Portland, Maine. I explained that I was interested in traveling from "Portland Maine - that's PWM" since people often confuse it with some other city somewhere with a similar name. The agent said: "we don't fly from Portland". (Mind you, this was a flight I took often) I explained again - "the airport code is PWM - Portland MAINE" He stiffly advised me that HE worked for United Airlines and HE knew they didn't fly there. I thanked him, hung up, called back, and another agent got my reservation without any confusion...
Experience #2: This week! I am relocating, so I called DISH TV to discontinue my service. I explained that I was moving and requested that TV service be cancelled on the day of my move. I was advised that they would send me a box to ship back my receiver and that the box would be shipped to me via UPS on the day of cancellation. I suggested to the agent that I would be long gone by the time the UPS truck arrived with the box, and couldn't they send me the box NOW. "No - that is not our policy" I was advised. He then asked what my new address will be. I gave that to him - not anxious at the thought that with everything else to worry about I was going to have to schlep their equipment around the country. After a short period he advised me that he had entered that information and that the box was on its' way to that address - that it was already in the process of being shipped! I tried to explain to him that I WAS NOT yet there! To no avail... I then made the mistake of trying to get him to understand just how stupid this was - but THAT got nowhere.
Fortunately, when I contacted them again and got a rational human being, they e-mailed me a shipping label to use.
They most certainly do walk amongst us - and sadly... (
show quote)
And did they tell you about the $17 charge for the label?
Rick
Are you going to shoot Wallenda's walk from your back porch??
Sometimes you have to accept that you can't fix stupid!
sodapop wrote:
Found on the spec sheet for my computer. what are they saying? "Integrated video is not available if a graphics card is installed"
I think that what they mean is that if you add a video card, it takes over the video duty. That means that you would connect the video cable to the output on the card, not the motherboard.
Rick
Police Departments are against this type of ordinance. Sagging pants makes them easier to run down.