For Those Who Love the Philosophy of Ambiguity
Jul 18, 2022 08:00:38 #
FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:
1. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA ..... FLOOR.
2. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
3. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
4. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.
5. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, “WHERE’S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?” SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
6. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
7. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
8. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
9. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
10. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO “GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?”
11. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
12. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
13. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
14. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL BREAK IN AND CLEAN THEM?
15. IF A TURTLE DOESN’T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
16. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
17. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MUTE, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
18. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
19. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?
20. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
21. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
22. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?
(This one took me a minute)
23. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?
24. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
25. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
26. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
27. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
28. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?
29. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED “HEMORRHOIDS” INSTEAD OF “ASSTEROIDS?”
30. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN’T SHOOT AT THEM?
31. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
32. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL MAN IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DOES HE BECOME DISORIENTED?
33. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
1. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA ..... FLOOR.
2. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
3. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
4. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.
5. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, “WHERE’S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?” SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
6. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
7. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
8. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
9. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
10. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO “GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?”
11. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
12. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
13. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
14. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL BREAK IN AND CLEAN THEM?
15. IF A TURTLE DOESN’T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
16. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
17. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MUTE, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
18. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
19. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?
20. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
21. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
22. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?
(This one took me a minute)
23. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?
24. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
25. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
26. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
27. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
28. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?
29. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED “HEMORRHOIDS” INSTEAD OF “ASSTEROIDS?”
30. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN’T SHOOT AT THEM?
31. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
32. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL MAN IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DOES HE BECOME DISORIENTED?
33. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
Jul 18, 2022 08:12:08 #
Jul 18, 2022 08:12:50 #
Jul 18, 2022 08:19:22 #
Jul 18, 2022 08:43:19 #
I know a couple of them:
WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
They put braille on ALL ATMs. It wouldn't make sense to make some ATMs without braille to use in drive-throughs, because then that's all they could be used for.
WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
You've obviously never kept sour cream until it grows mold.
WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
They put braille on ALL ATMs. It wouldn't make sense to make some ATMs without braille to use in drive-throughs, because then that's all they could be used for.
WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
You've obviously never kept sour cream until it grows mold.
Jul 18, 2022 08:59:19 #
Jul 18, 2022 09:23:15 #
Jul 18, 2022 10:24:42 #
Duck season, rabbit season, duck season, rabbit season, rabbit season, duck season.....BOOM!
Jul 18, 2022 12:48:53 #
What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?
Why do you drive on a parkway, and park on a walkway?
Andy
Why do you drive on a parkway, and park on a walkway?
Andy
Jul 18, 2022 14:24:58 #
Jul 18, 2022 15:00:38 #
Grump's Photos wrote:
What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?
Why do you drive on a parkway, and park on a walkway?
Andy
Why do you drive on a parkway, and park on a walkway?
Andy
I heard it as "Why do you drive on a parkway, and park on a driveway". I've never heard of parking on a walkway.
Jul 18, 2022 19:26:06 #
That’s because I have poor typing skillz! LOL! I was thinking park on a driveway, but my fingers didn’t follow what my brain was thinking. Poor typing skillz to the max! At least I got a good laugh out of it.
Andy
Andy
Jul 19, 2022 04:35:17 #
Grump's Photos wrote:
What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?
Why do you drive on a parkway, and park on a walkway?
Andy
Why do you drive on a parkway, and park on a walkway?
Andy
There is no Taxi on a taxiway, only airplanes,
and no one is allowed to run on a runway.
Jul 19, 2022 04:37:37 #
JohnSwanda wrote:
I know a couple of them:
WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
They put braille on ALL ATMs. It wouldn't make sense to make some ATMs without braille to use in drive-throughs, because then that's all they could be used for.
WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
You've obviously never kept sour cream until it grows mold.
WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
They put braille on ALL ATMs. It wouldn't make sense to make some ATMs without braille to use in drive-throughs, because then that's all they could be used for.
WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
You've obviously never kept sour cream until it grows mold.
Out here they have expiry dates on salt and vinegar.
Jul 19, 2022 04:40:29 #
Bubbee wrote:
Love them all, but don't get 30 re tourist season...???
In hunting, a season is the time of the year where some animals are allowed to be hunted/harvested.
So there is duck season for hunting ducks, deer season for hunting deer etc.
I's implying that tourist season should be a time for shooting the tourists.
A play on words similar to:
If vegetarians eats vegetables,
Humanitarians eat humans?
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