Bartulius Loc: Bristol, Ct

Three young men are stranded on a desert island. After 30+ years of struggling daily just to survive they are walking along the beach one day and find a bottle with a genie inside.
The genie declares, "Usually I give the finder 3 wishes but since there are 3 of you, you shall each get one wish."
Guy number one said," Oh I've given this much thought! I wish to own the biggest resort in the world; I want every desire at my fingertips, no more having to deprive myself of anything." POOF! He's gone.
Genie points to the second man, "You're next."
This man also declares, "I also have given this many hours of thought. I wish to own the largest transportation company in the world; I want to travel to any place, any time, to any event, without worry."
POOF! He's Gone.
Genie points to the third man and says, "It is your turn. Please hurry, others are waiting."
Third man said, "I NEVER thought we'd get off this island; I gave up hope years ago. I always thought of ways to improve our lives here."
Genie is getting impatient, "C'mon now, make a wish; there MUST be something you want!"
Third man cringes from the rebuke. "I just don't know what to do...I wish the other two guys were here to help me decide." POOF! POOF!

Bridges Loc: Memphis, Charleston SC, now Nazareth PA

And now there are only two men on the island, the third man is dead, dead, dead!

Lucasdv123

An old man who had been married over 50 years was asked as to what he had done on their 25th wedding anniversary at which he replied that he had taken his wife to India.when asked about his 50th anniversary he replied,I went back to India and picked her up.

Lucasdv123

A young man is fixing to get married and went to his grandpa to find out how he and grandma had managed to stay married for over 50 year.his grandpa told him that when they got married he was so poor that he had a shack and a buggy pulled by a mule.after getting married and driving home the mule started going of the road. grandpa stops and tells the mule that that was 1.again the mule goes of the road and grandpa stops again and tells the mule that is 2.after the 3rd time grandpa stop,pulls out his rifle and shoots the mule at which point grandma starts yelling and screaming telling him that if she knew what kind of man he was she would have never married him at which point grandpa says ok thats 1.

Wallen Loc: Middle Earth

3 new graduates are upping each other on who learned the very first career in the universe. Engineering came first, said the engineer, or God would not have created the world. No it was architecture, said the Architect. He had to design that first from all the chaos.

And who created the chaos? Asked the Lawyer...

Ian E

Thanks to all who added their jokes. You've made my day.
Ian

DirtFarmer Loc: Escaped from the NYC area, back to MA

The one I heard had God being a Civil Engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline so close to a playground?

DirtFarmer Loc: Escaped from the NYC area, back to MA

Sorry, I just came back and re-read it. It lost a lot out of context.
The joke went something like:

First guy: "God must be an artist because he created such beautiful women"
Second guy: "God must be a politician because he created a weak woman who can control a strong man"
Third guy: God must be a Civil Engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline so close to a playground?

Abo

What do you call a New Zealander in a suit:

The defendant.

I asked a New Zealander if he would have sex with a
gorilla for $600... he replied;

$600 is a lot of money, could I pay in installments?

Wallen Loc: Middle Earth

Warning bad joke ahead...


3 athletes are outdoing one another of who have seen the fastest track & field runner.

Athlete 1: I saw this guy and he went around the oval in a minute!
Athlete 2: A minute? what is doing? delivering news paper? i saw this guy who passed in a blur. He went around the oval in 1 second!
Athlete 3: 1 Second? Is he going backwards? My friend can go faster than that. Go on show them.

The 4th athlete went to the start line and at the sound of the gun went forward and fell flat in his face.

Athlete 3: See! See! he went so fast around that he bumped himself in the start line!

Wallen Loc: Middle Earth

So why do we call women who talk to much she-devils?

Because they say tons.

Lucasdv123

What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes.nothing.you done told her twice.

Lucasdv123

2 attorneys sitting at a park bench.a good looking woman walks by and one of them say he would like to screw her.the other one says"out of what".

Lucasdv123

What is the difference between a dead rattle snake in the middle of the road and a dead attorney in the middle of the road.there are skidmarks in front of the snake.

Lucasdv123

There is no correlation between cowboys that eat with their hats on and bow legged women.