Well, I get eye shine with this camera, too, especially with the coywolves, who always look directly into the camera.
I've been hoping to get a photo of a mountain lion, the resident existence of which the wildlife officials in MA deny, even though plenty of people have seen them, including our former UPS delivery man, who almost hit one when it ran in front of his truck. Any mountain lion sightings, scat, or tracks are written off as an "escaped pet" (?!?) or a wandering, not a resident, mountain lion. I think the MA wildlife people don't want to scare away tourists.

For some twenty years I have fed the insatiable appetite of my Woodstock Soapstone Wood Stove. Running a wood stove is not so much an experience it is an education.Those who go into the woods learn that small saplings can shred your shins. A chainsaw is a must and it sometimes can hang up in a pinch so you may need another saw to cut out what is binding it. This list of do's and don't in using a chain saw can test even the most experienced user. Some trees are felled by home owners and some home owners are felled by trees. To burn properly you have to split the wood. What kept me in shape for fifteen years was doing the splitting by hand with a maul and wedges. When I purchased a twenty ton wood splitter it reminded me of meeting my wife for the first time and I said "Where have you been all my life?". Then you have to transport it to a place where it can air and season. Wet wood does not burn well so you have to get it under cover. When the mood of lazy hits you there is a penalty to understand that when the snow and ice cover the uncovered wood pile you may have to take a sledge hammer to free the needed supply for the day. Kindling becomes your best friend to get fire going. Being forewarned and forearmed kindling is best put away when the weather is warm. Even with the best of wood stoves a strong wind can bring unwanted puffs of smoke into the room so and open door and window becomes the remedy. Hidden in the chimney is one of the devil's own devices. It is called creosote which forms from burning wood at low temperatures and burning wood with a lot of undried sap. If you would like to meet your local firemen then just forget about cleaning out that nasty black stuff from the flue. The old adage of cutting the wood, moving the wood, placing it in the stove, removing the ashes all help to keep you warm is so true. Now with all that said you can really appreciate the penetrating heat from a wood stove when the outside is in the single digits and your core temperature feels like it is now approaching those numbers. Economics have been working against me lately since when we started buying wood it was $60.00 a cord and now it is around $250.
Maybe it's time to tune up the chainsaw and go back in the woods again.

TEXAS CHILI COOK-OFF


If you can read the whole story without tears of laughter running down your cheeks, then there's no hope for you.

NOTE: Take time to read this slowly. Pay particular attention to the first two judges, then the reaction of the third is even better!

If you live or have lived in Texas you know how true this is.
They actually have Chili cook-offs in many small towns, sometimes along with rodeos and county fairs. It takes up large outdoor areas and usually the majority spaces of parking lots.

The following notes are from an inexperienced "chili taster" named Frank who was visiting from the East Coast:


"Recently I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original judge called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the Budweiser truck when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting. So, I accepted.

Here are the scorecards from the event."

Chili #1 Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili

Judge #1 ? A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge #2 ? Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge #3 ? (Frank) Holy Jesus, what the hell is this stuff? You could have dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worse one. These Texans are crazy!

Chili #2 Arthur's Afterburner Chili

Judge #1 ? Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge #2 ? Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge #3 ? Keep this shit out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

Chili #3 Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili

Judge #1 ? Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.
Judge #2 ? A bean-less chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge #3 ? Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I've been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded on my back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all the beer!

Chili #4 Bubba's Black Magic

Judge #1 ? Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge #2 ? Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge #3 ? I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300 lb. broad is starting to look HOT? Just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is chili an aphrodisiac?

Chili #5 Linda's Legal Lip Remover

Judge #1 ? Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge #2 ? Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge #3 ? My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.

Chili #6 Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety

Judge #1 ? Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge #2 ? The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions and garlic. Superb.
Judge #3 ? My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I shit on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.

Chili #7 Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili

Judge #1 ? A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge #2 ? Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge #3 ? You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye and the world sounds like it's made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili which slides unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4 inch hole in my stomach.

Chili #8 Tommy's Toenail Curling Chili

Judge #1 ? The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold, but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge #2 ? This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild or hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor dude, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
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I know the voices in my head aren't real, But they have some pretty good ideas.image

Tattooed beauty is a contradiction in terms. No tattoo ever made anyone beautiful. Quite the opposite, it confers ugliness of the worst kind on human flesh.