Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.”

The gas pump, of course, didn't respond.

The younger alien became angry at the lack of response.

The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.'

The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting.

Again, there was no response.

Pissed at the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said gruffly, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader or I will fire!"

The older alien again warned his comrade saying, 'You probably don't want to do that!
I really think that will make him mad.'

'Rubbish,' replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards him and blew the younger alien off his feet and threw him about 200 feet into a cactus patch leaving him singed and injured.

Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head.

'What a ferocious creature!' exclaimed the young, fried alien. 'He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?'

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, 'If there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic travels, you never mess with a guy who can loop his penis over his shoulder, then stick it in his ear.'

US military rescues 34 ISIS Sex Slaves

ISIS Sex Slaves Rescued

SAFE AT HOME
I've torn out my alarm system
& deregistered from the Neighborhood Watch.

I've got a Pakistani and Afghan flag raised in my front garden, one at each corner and the black flag of ISIS in the center.

The local police, RCMP, Canadian Security Intelligence Service and other intelligence services are all watching my house 24/7.

I've never felt safer :=))

Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash, was one of the
Greatest political sages this country has ever known.

Some of his sage advice:

1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.
4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
5. Always drink upstream from the herd.
6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.
8. There are three kinds of men:
The ones that learn by reading.
The few who learn by observation.
The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.
9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.
12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring.
He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

ABOUT GROWING OLDER...

First ~Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know 'why' I look this way.
I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved.
Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it's such a nice change from being young.
Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.
Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft.
Today it's called golf.

And, finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you're old.

Get a HP mouse.
Get the USB wired one.
Mine works smoothly and flawlessly with my HP computer.
They are designed to work together.

If he was not guilty of anything and as innocent as they are trying to portray him -WHY was he running away?????????

Canadians next door are getting gouged.
We buy in liters

Yours = $.98 a liter

Ours = $1.38 a liter this week

$1.38 a liter works out to $5.04 for a US gallon

The difference between men & women brains

The Male Brain


Te Female Brain

Love it

Mixed Emotions

How To Call The Police When You Are Old!!
George Phillips of Meridian , Mississippi was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"
He said "No." Then they said
"All patrols were busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available." George said, "Okay" He hung up the phone and counted to 30.
Then he phoned the police again.
"Hello, I just called you a few second ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them." and hung up.
Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

Don't mess with old people!


GOLFING INJURY
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize.
"Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him.
"Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes the man replied, still in pain, in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together in his groin.
But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help.
She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and put her hands inside.
She began to massage him.
She then asked, "How does that feel?"
He replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."

I tried addin adblock but still get commercials on utube??

Is anyone here as sick of commercials as I am.
I have timed the commercials on TV shows and they range anywhere between 30 and 60 percent of the show time. I am paying for cable TV so that means I am paying around 1/2 of my monthly fee to watch commercials that are generating revenue already for the television industry.
I am also sick of clicking on a link to watch a video and having to watch the commercials before I get to see the video.
Does anyone else here the same.

This is my rant on China.
I am from Canada but I can't believe that I am the only one that feels this way.
If everybody is so worried about climate change, pollution, and unemployment why don't they try doing what I have been doing for the past year. STOP buying goods manufactured in China whenever possible.
I have nothing against the citizens of China. It is their government and it's policies that upset me so much.
They have more pollution and greenhouse gasses being created there than anywhere else in the world. Their governments main focus is to increase manufacturing with little regard to the atmosphere as can be found out very easily. I watched a report, I think it was on CNN, the other night and a surgeon was being interviewed there. He said he and other doctors were moving out of Beijing due to the high pollution and smog levels. If the doctors are leaving doesn't that signal that something there is terribly wrong. Every time there is anything on the news about China and they show ordinary citizens are seen walking around with mask type filters and handkerchiefs on because of the pollution.
The government is keeping their currency undervalued to make exports cheaper. They are destroying the economies of so many countries it is sickening. How many people do you know that have lost their jobs in the last few years because of manufacturing being moved out of their country. Their people are underpaid and overworked to help accomplish this. They are now coming into the developed world's countries and buying them up bit by bit. They have so much cash that they are turning into the bank of the world. What is going to happen when they decide to tighten up on lending and start calling in their loans. What are the governments going to do when they can't borrow any more from them. They have let so much manufacturing go that their tax revenues are so low they need to borrow just to keep going.
If the world's governments would start imposing tariffs on Chinese manufactured products, at a high enough level then hopefully some of the products produced there would be priced high enough that it would be economical to produce them where they were made before being moved to China. This would create many jobs and additional revenue for the governments through manufacturing and income taxes. I realize we sell there too but I would be totally amazed if our sales there are anywhere near our purchases from them.

These are just a few of my feelings. It would probably take a book to list and talk about all of them. Please feel free to add to my list. I am sure there must be others that feel as I do so all you guys that like to go on about your government, lets hear from you.

I am looking to buy a carry around non DSLR camera.
I like what I see about the features of the Canon G16.
What do you shooters think about this camera?
Do any of you have one of these and if so how do you like it?
Is there any other brand you would recommend over this one at the price point of $450 max.
I'm a bit partial as I have had canon cameras for the last 30 years but I am open to suggestions.

Thanks