This is the best, most interesting English spellinglesson I have had to date.

Did you know "listen" and "silent" use the same letters ?
Do you know that the words "race car" spelled backwards still spells "race car" ?
And that "eat" is the only word that if you take the first letter and move it to the last, it spells its past tense "ate" ?

Have you noticed that if you rearrange the letters in "illegal immigrants," add just a few more letters, it spells: "Go home you free-loading, benefit- grabbing, resource-sucking, baby-making, non-English-speaking twats and take those other towel-head, hairy-faced, sandal-wearing, bomb-making, camel-riding, goat-shagging, raggedy-ass bastards with you."

How weird is that?

I think that this is a fair assessment!.........
This is PRICELESS!
From a total of 44 US Presidents:
Obama is rated as the fifth best.

The A&M's Public Relations Office released this statement
"After almost six years in office, Americans have rated President Obama the fifth best President ever.”

These are the details according to Texas A&M:
1. Reagan & Lincoln tied for first,
2. Twenty three presidents tied for second,
3. Seventeen other presidents tied for third,
4. Jimmy Carter came in fourth, and
5. Obama came in fifth.

A woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't seem
to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day, while taking a stroll,
She came upon a gentleman neighbor who had the most
beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes.

The woman asked the gentleman,
"What do you do to get your tomatoes so red?"

The gentleman responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front
of my tomato garden naked in my trench coat and flash them.
My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much."

Well, the woman was so impressed; she decided to try
doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if
it would work. So twice a day for two weeks she
flashed herself in her garden hoping for the best.

One day the gentleman was passing by and asked the woman,
"By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?"

No", she replied,
"but my cucumbers are enormous."

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.
The store clerk called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor.
The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital .
A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms, and a pen.
She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment. "Do you have health insurance?" she asked.
He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"
He replied, "No money in the bank."
Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the irritated nun.
He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun."
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."
The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."

Love what kids come up with...they know so much they are not given credit for.

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie " with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities...

- "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted.

He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:

- "An ambulance just drove by!"

- "Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.

- "Matt's riding a new bike!"

- "Looks like the Sanders are moving!"

- "Jason is on his skate board!"

After a few moments he announced...

- "The Coopers are having sex

Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed.

Dad cautiously called out..."How do you know they're having sex?"

"Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle.”

How to make an Apple computer useful

Saw an old Falcon in a tree the other day

The Pfizer Corporation announced today that Viagra will soon be
available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.
It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of cocktails, highballs and just a good old-fashioned stiff drink. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.
This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

In northern Saskatchewan, Saskatoon to be exact, a wife texts her
husband on a cold winter's morning:
"Windows frozen, won't open, I don’t know what to do”?
"Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it, give it
a few minutes and try again”.
Wife texts back five minutes later:
" Well that really f***ed-up the computer."

In Canada we are currently paying $1.079 a liter
Converting to your gallon and adding the currency exchange rate that works out to we should be paying $0.767 a liter so I guess you cant complain too much.

President Obama says we should create harmony by learning Arabic...

So we might as well ALL get on the band wagon.

The current administration wants us to learn more about Muslims and accept them into our culture.

So, I'm making a sincere effort to learn to communicate with our Muslim friends and learn Arabic for the sake of 'cultural diversity.'

Learning Aribic

Received This from a friend - No racial insult intended

A little boy and girl go trick or treating.

They knock on a door of this house and the man who answers it says, "Well, you two are cute as you can be. Who are you supposed to be?"

"We're Jack and Jill," the girl with two front teeth missing replied.

The man says, "You can't be Jack and Jill, you're black!"

The cuties go off and a while later they come back dressed differently.

They ring the door bell and once again and when the man opens the door, he grins and asks, "Well now, that is just darn cute. Who are you this time?"

"We're Hansel and Gretel" says the little boy puffing his little chest out in pride.

"Well, I hate to disappoint you son, but you can't be Hansel and Gretel because you're black!" says the man.

Heads hung low, the children leave. Shortly the man hears the bell ring again. This time when he opens the door there stand the two children but this time they are BUCK NAKED.

"Oh my! And just who are you supposed to be now?!" he asks.

"We're Hershey Bars," said the little girl. "I'm plain. He's got nuts."

Most of our generation was
HOME SCHOOLED in many ways:

1. My mother taught me
TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My father taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My father taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out..."

14. My mother taught me about
BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it from your father when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My father taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me
HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand.

25. My father taught me about JUSTICE .
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you !"

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.
The store clerk called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor.
The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital .
A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms, and a pen.
She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment. "Do you have health insurance?" she asked.
He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"
He replied, "No money in the bank."
Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the irritated nun.
He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun."
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."
The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."

He was in ecstasy, with a huge smile on his face, as his wife moved forwards then backwards,
forward then backward, again and again.
Back and forth, back and forth, in and out, a little to the right, a little to the left, she could feel
the sweat on her forehead, between her breasts, and trickling down the small of her back, she was getting near to the end. Her heart was pounding, her face was flushed,she moaned, softly at first, then began to
groan louder.
Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted,

"OK, OK, I can't parallel park! You do it, you smug bastard."