Two things- #1: turn the shouifers/ body a bit more, and #2: turn the head/ eyes straight into the camera. These are minor criticisms, but sometimes it's the 'little things" that make an image grab people's attention. I've shot many thousands of portraits in my career, and I can admit that a lot of them didn't have the 'little things' taken care of, but I did always try to take care of them. One other thing-looking at your lighting diagram, I probably would place the background light directly behind the subject, unless you were looking for a graduated hot spot.
Thanks for your input. I was trying to get a graduated background from top to bottom.
If you want to reply, then
register here. Registration is free and your account is created instantly, so you can post right away.