Steve_m Loc: Southern California

If you ever feel a little bit stupid, just dig this up and read it again; you'll begin to think you're a genius..
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,



(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,



"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,



"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,



"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,



"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,



"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
--A congressional candidate in Texas ..
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,



"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,



"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.."
--Al Gore, Vice President
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,



"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix ."
-- Dan Quayle
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,



"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
--Lee Iacocca
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,


"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,


"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,


"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,


"Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,



"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
-- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,



Feeling smarter yet?

Send it on to
Your brilliant friends.

I just did !!

PAR4DCR Loc: A Sunny Place

Some really good ones. There is no pill for stupid

Don

DeanS Loc: Capital City area of North Carolina

. . . and they walk among us.

twowindsbear

The breed

and VOTE!

salmander

Jaw dropping.

"How much clean air do we need?" All of it, IMO. Just a thought.

I'd seen the Mariah Carey quote before. Hey, being as skinny as a starving kid with your ribs poking out is everyone's dream. Just keep the death and flies and stuff out of sight, and we'll all be happy. I lost all respect for her when she said that.

Norman Einstein, Albert's uncredited brother, who actually did most of the work. Albert hogged all the glory.

I hate it whenever I wake up dead. It ruins my day.

Just goes to show - when you become famous, apparently a substantial part of your brain shuts off.

jerryc41 Loc: Catskill Mts of NY

: )

truckster Loc: Tampa Bay Area

This is a made up quote by a humor writer first attributed as something Dan Quayle "might" say. It was later brought up as something John Kerry said, but got more traction when the tables were turned and Goerge W Bush got tagged with it. This is the first time I have seen it attributed to Gore. If you had ever heard Gore speak on environmental issues you would soon realize the only way this might have come from him is if he was plastered and falling down drunk, and maybe not even then.

Other than that ... there were some real funnies in your post.

jaymatt Loc: Alexandria, Indiana

phlash46 Loc: Westchester County, New York

jeep_daddy Loc: Prescott AZ

Genius.

Alafoto Loc: Montgomery, AL

And don't leave out the statement Barry Otero (oh wait, that was just his alias for applying for educational grants) made during his first presidential campaign about having already visited 57 states with one left to go. He further states that he hasn't visited Hawaii or Alaska. Which of the two do you suppose isn't really a state? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EpGH02DtIws

AnselsBest1 Loc: WLA, CA

Steve, these will be added to my collection. I have a few to add.

Sir Bertrand Russell, "When all the expert's agree, they may well be mistaken".

I tried to be normal, once.
It was the WORST two minutes of my life"!

If you play with hardware long enough, it breaks.
If you play with software long enough, it works.
If your computer is running smoothly, it's obsolete!!!!🤣🖖
Ron Udkoff

erinjay64

I woke up from dead, in a morgue, and nearly gave the attendant a heart attack. I had died of a brain injury, had out of body experiences, was sent to the morgue, and revived there. Death is a change of form, and location...not an ending. While Out Of Body, I walked around the hospital and saw much. It was a trip.

Architect1776 Loc: In my mind

jaycoffman Loc: San Diego

Ms. Alabama is either the most brilliant Zen Master ever . . . or a complete bimbo...