Is it possible to post this as FUNNY and not receive 40 nasty or politically motivated responses? I hope!!
Jul 21, 2017 18:08:02 #
If you don't think it is funny, please just pass it by.
Thanks,
Mark
RETIREMENT:
You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where
1. You are willing to park three blocks away from your house because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your rear-endfrom the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for four hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door at 500 degrees.
6. The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??
OR
You can retire to California where...
1. You make over $450,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
5. The four seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud and Drought.
OR
You can retire to New York City where...
1 You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan .
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn. (IF you have a car.)
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression
OR
You can retire to Minnesota where...
1. You only have three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.
2. Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.
3. You have seventeen recipes for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair.
6. The highest level of criticism is "He is different," "She is different," or "It was different!"
OR
You can retire to The Deep South where...
1 You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2 "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has two first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either: "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder.”
6. You can say anything about anyone, as long as you say "Bless his heart” at the end!
OR
You can move to Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
OR
You can retire to Missouri, Nebraska or Kansas where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition; "Where's my coat at?"
OR
FINALLY you can retire to Florida where...
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind - even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people
Thanks,
Mark
RETIREMENT:
You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where
1. You are willing to park three blocks away from your house because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your rear-endfrom the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for four hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door at 500 degrees.
6. The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??
OR
You can retire to California where...
1. You make over $450,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
5. The four seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud and Drought.
OR
You can retire to New York City where...
1 You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan .
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn. (IF you have a car.)
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression
OR
You can retire to Minnesota where...
1. You only have three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.
2. Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.
3. You have seventeen recipes for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair.
6. The highest level of criticism is "He is different," "She is different," or "It was different!"
OR
You can retire to The Deep South where...
1 You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2 "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has two first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either: "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder.”
6. You can say anything about anyone, as long as you say "Bless his heart” at the end!
OR
You can move to Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
OR
You can retire to Missouri, Nebraska or Kansas where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition; "Where's my coat at?"
OR
FINALLY you can retire to Florida where...
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind - even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people
Jul 21, 2017 18:37:40 #
Jul 21, 2017 18:52:29 #
It IS funny, and just as I was told once, there is a lot of truth in humor sometimes!!
Jul 21, 2017 19:06:19 #
markngolf wrote:
If you don't think it is funny, please just pass i... (show quote)
Very funny to me and I just can't see, why you would receive any nasty replies to this! Thanks for the giggles!!Jul 21, 2017 19:28:58 #
markngolf wrote:
If you don't think it is funny, please just pass it by.
Thanks,
Mark
Thanks,
Mark
I could comment on the others, but since I live in San Francisco, it may not be appropriate or at least polite to do so!
You can retire to California where...
1. You make over $450,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house: Potentially true, but it is cheaper to own than to rent!
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway: Potentially true, but the flight to Germany might be faster!
3. You know how to eat an artichoke: Absolutely, even more you know how to prepare and serve them, especially Artichauts Farcis!
4. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.: Yep, and if it is New York, you ask why you would want to go there, and if it is in fly over country you just say "where?"
5. The four seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud and Drought. Sorry, not true. It's Drought, Fire, Flood, and Earthquake. Then repeat!
Nice one, Mark!
And don't forget the old San Francisco parody of an old English folk song (Boozing, bloody well boozing):
Cruisin' bloody well Cruisin'
Cruisin', Cruisin', just you and I,
Cruisin', Cruisin', Gay, straight, or bi
Some do it openly, some on the sly
But we're always bloody well Cruisin'
Jul 21, 2017 20:19:32 #
Jul 22, 2017 05:14:57 #
markngolf wrote:
If you don't think it is funny, please just pass i... (show quote)
Now that I'm retired, I can relate to a few of these. Thanks for the laughs!
Jul 22, 2017 07:10:34 #
Jul 22, 2017 07:23:38 #
Jul 22, 2017 09:32:26 #
Oh my God, that is so funny and much truth to is as I have traveled and can relate. Thanks for the laugh I needed it!
Jul 22, 2017 09:58:05 #
My pleasure.
Mark
Mark
blue-ultra wrote:
Oh my God, that is so funny and much truth to is as I have traveled and can relate. Thanks for the laugh I needed it!
Jul 22, 2017 11:23:53 #
Jul 22, 2017 21:30:22 #
You made me laugh! Thanks. I live in Metro ATL and so much of that applies here.
Jul 22, 2017 22:21:42 #
Thanks Dave & everyone else who replied. Glad you enjoyed it.
Mark
Mark
Dave327 wrote:
You made me laugh! Thanks. I live in Metro ATL and so much of that applies here.
Jul 22, 2017 22:51:16 #
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