Tools and how to use them.
Oct 15, 2014 23:27:55 #
SKILSAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make boards too short.
BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh shit'.
DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
Channel Locks:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXY ACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for igniting various flammable objects in your shop and creating a fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.
TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
Very effective for digit removal !!
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut large pieces into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of all the crap you forgot to disconnect.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used , as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.
PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
PVC PIPE CUTTER:
A tool used to make plastic pipe too short.
HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
UTILITY KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door. Works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
SON OF A BITCH TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a bitch' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
A portable cutting tool used to make boards too short.
BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh shit'.
DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
Channel Locks:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXY ACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for igniting various flammable objects in your shop and creating a fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.
TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
Very effective for digit removal !!
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut large pieces into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of all the crap you forgot to disconnect.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used , as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.
PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
PVC PIPE CUTTER:
A tool used to make plastic pipe too short.
HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
UTILITY KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door. Works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
SON OF A BITCH TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a bitch' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
Oct 15, 2014 23:52:43 #
Oct 16, 2014 00:08:11 #
Electrician's side cutters = Hammer
Large screwdriver = a handy chisel teamed up with above hammer! :roll:
Large screwdriver = a handy chisel teamed up with above hammer! :roll:
Oct 16, 2014 01:22:13 #
Oct 16, 2014 03:29:16 #
Oct 16, 2014 03:59:08 #
Oct 16, 2014 04:51:38 #
Oct 16, 2014 08:59:02 #
Oct 16, 2014 09:03:42 #
Obviously a man who has spent a lot of time in the workshop medicine cabinet, going through boxes of bandages and healing ointment. Having asked his young son to get him a screw driver and son asks a "daddy one or a mommy one?". While still high on the ladder and puzzled he says "the mommy one". Amazing how well a butter knife works.
Oct 16, 2014 09:58:44 #
mccampbell60 wrote:
Obviously a man who has spent a lot of time in the workshop medicine cabinet, going through boxes of bandages and healing ointment. Having asked his young son to get him a screw driver and son asks a "daddy one or a mommy one?". While still high on the ladder and puzzled he says "the mommy one". Amazing how well a butter knife works.
That mommy one makes a good back scratcher once the tip is twisted!
Oct 16, 2014 10:41:36 #
Phillips screwdrivers are called slowdown tools.A Phillips screwdriver is designed for the educational purpose to make you aware that there are far better ways to attach objects to other objects. Phillips screw drivers taper never match the corresponding screws taper. The metal of phillips screws is at least twice as strong as the metal phillips screwdrivers are made of,and that is why they always strip out when your in a hurry. Forcing your prodject to slow down. My neighbor was a man of great organization. Every drawer had a label,every label was subtitled. The drawer labeled phillips screws was nailed shut with a subtitle "Don't even think of using a phillips screw". I think of him quite often when I'm trying to justify the time spent removing those DAMN PHILLIPS SCREWS
Oct 16, 2014 11:34:46 #
Oct 16, 2014 19:36:10 #
Sounds like the voice of experience. I've been there too. :roll: :lol: :lol: :thumbup:
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