lovesphotos Loc: Colorado and Arizona

This is an old one. If you had seen it before, don't moan, just change the channel.

OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS FOR BOTH SEXES:

For Women:

1 - Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the milage reaches to 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2 - Drink a cup of coffee.
3 - 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil change, $20.00
Coffee, $1.00
Total, $21.00

For Men:

1 - Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store, buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree. Write a check for $50.00
2 - Stop by 7-11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20.00, drive home.
3 - Open a beer and drink it.
4 - Jack the car up, spend 20 minutes looking for the jackstands.
5 - Find the jackstands under the kid's pedal car.
6 - In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7- Place drain pan under the engine.
8- Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9- Give up and use a crescent wrench.
10 - Unscrew the drain plug.
11 - Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil, splash hot oil on you in the process, cuss.
12 - Crawl from under the car to wipe hot oil off from face and arms, throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13 - Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14 - Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15 - Give up, crawl under the car and hammer a screwdriver through the oil filter and twist off.
16 - Crawl out from under the car with dripping oil filter, splashing oil everywhere from the holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among the trash in the trash can to prevent environmental penalties.
17 - Drink another beer.
18 - Your buddy shows up. Finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.
19 - Sunday. Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change".
Drag panfull of oil from under the car. Cleverly dump oil in a hole in the backyard instead of taking it in for recycling.
20 - Throw more kitty litter on oil spilled during 19.
21 - Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
22 - Walk to 7-11, buy beer.
23 - Install new oil filter, making sure to apply thin coat of oil on gasket surface.
24 - Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
25 - Remember drain plug from 11.
26 - Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
27 - Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the backyard along with drain plug.
28 - Drink beer.
29 - Shovel out the hole, sift oily mud for the drain plug. Re-shovel oily dirt back into hole. Steal sand from kids' sandbox to cover oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drainplug in lawnmover gas.
30 - Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on the spilled oil.
31 - Drink beer.
32 - Crawl under car getting kitty litter in eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench, tightening drain plug and bang knucles on frame.
33 - Bang head on floorboards in reaction to 32.
34 - Begin a cussing fit.
35 - Throw stupid crescent wrench.
36 - Cuss for additional 10 minutes because the wrench hit the bowling trophy.
37 - Beer.
38 - Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
39 - Beer.
40 - Beer.
41 - Dump in 5 fresh quarts of oil.
42 - Beer.
43 - Lower car from jackstands.
44 - Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
45 - Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 44.
46 - Beer.
47 - Test drive car.
48 - Get pulled over. Arrested for driving under the influence.
49 - Car gets impounded.
50 - Call loving wife, make bail.
51 - 12 hours later get car from impound yard.

Money spent:
Parts, $50.00
DUI, $2500.00
Impound fee, $75.00
Bail, 1500.00
Beer, $40.00
Total: $4165.00

But you know the job was done right.

tlbuljac Loc: Oklahoma

simple answer to solve problem....give wife $40 to get oil change and buy your beer

lovesphotos Loc: Colorado and Arizona

Where is the fun in that?

:P

Pkaszubski Loc: Wyoming, OH

Funny through 46.

Reminded me of story friend told regarding wife's flat tire. She called him and said " I have a flat tire, read the manual, but something seems wrong".

When he got there, the wrong side was jacked up but it was as the picture showed!

lovesphotos Loc: Colorado and Arizona

Now that's funny. Was she a blond?

:D

kschwegl Loc: Orangeburg, NY

Now that is a brilliant idea!

EdJ0307 Loc: out west someplace

This may apply to a mechanically inept male. I have changed oil dozens of times without this happening. However, my two daughters have had their oil changed at the Jiffy Lube type places. And they both have had to replace the oil pans on their cars because the drain plug threads were stripped because the Jiffy Lube type places like to use a pneumatic ratchet wrench to remove and replace the plug. Of course, they deny any responsibility or liability.
I did have the oil changed in my vehicle recently but it was more like $60 to do the job. I guess the $20 oil change has gone the way of the Edsel and Studebaker.

lovesphotos Loc: Colorado and Arizona

Ed, this was meant to be a joke, a satire. It doesn't represent any real person.
However, I do go along with the bad experiences at the Jiffy lube and they are not the only ones who are guilty of stripping the drain plugs.

TrainNut Loc: Ridin' the rails

Except for the beer that sounds familiar. :-D :oops: :thumbup:

NewGuy

Please give me the address of the place that changes oil for $20.

EdJ0307 Loc: out west someplace

I realized it was supposed to be a joke. But there are some "jokes" I don't think are all that funny. This just happened to be one of them and it wasn't the first one I have seen here or elsewhere. Sorry, I guess that's just me.

lovesphotos Loc: Colorado and Arizona

Well, just for you, I'll try to find one that would fill your standard of funnyness. You like it clean, dirty or downright mud covered?

Brian in Whitby Loc: Whitby, Ontario, Canada

Sometimes I take my car to GM dealer. They charge about $60. but throw in a "free" car wash, and vacuum the interior.

Not a bad deal if you are lazy like me!

Come to think of it, my windshield need cleaning on the inside. Must be time for an oil change soon.

TrainNut Loc: Ridin' the rails

You fit my "standard of funnyness". :-D :thumbup:

lovesphotos Loc: Colorado and Arizona

Thanks TrainNut.

:wink: