A SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE IN VANCOUVER READS:
We will heel you
We will save your sole
We will even dye for you.

A SIGN ON A BLINDS AND CURTAIN TRUCK:
“Blind man driving.”

Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”

In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels.”

On a Septic Tank Truck :
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

At an Optometrist's Office :
"If you don't see what you're looking for,
You've come to the right place.”

On a Plumber's truck :
"We repair what your husband fixed.”

On another Plumber's truck :
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :
"Invite us to your next blowout.”

On an Electrician's truck :
"Let us remove your shorts.”

In a Non-smoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and
will take appropriate action.”

On a Maternity Room door :
"Push. Push. Push.”

At a Car Dealership :
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.”

Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”

In a Veterinarian's waiting room :
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”

At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time.
However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted.”

In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”

In the front yard of a Funeral Home :
"Drive carefully. We'll wait.”

At a Propane Filling Station:
"Thank Heaven for little grills.”

In a Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak.”

And the best one for last…;
Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:
“Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises”