markngolf Loc: Bridgewater, NJ

Hoping you might laugh.
Happy New Year!
Mark

I drink too much. Last time I gave a urine sample, there was an olive in it.
Rodney Dangerfield

I’ve never worked out what the moral of Humpty Dumpty is. I can only think of: Don’t sit on a wall, if you’re an egg.
Ricky Gervais

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
Bob Hope

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
Lucille Ball

I hate housework. You make the beds, you do the dishes — and six months later, you have to start all over again.
Joan Rivers

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
George Burns

I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I'm good at everything.
Demetri Martin

My grandmother is over 80 and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Henny Youngman

I once dated an apostrophe. Too possessive.
Aparna Nancherla

I don’t deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don’t deserve that either.
Jack Benny

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
Mark Twain

The fast-food chain Sonic is now offering a 1,700-calorie peanut butter bacon milkshake, which explains Sonic’s new slogan, “Tell my wife I loved her.”
Conan O’Brien

NMGal Loc: NE NM

LOL!

markngolf Loc: Bridgewater, NJ

Thank you! Happy to know that!
Mark

PAR4DCR Loc: A Sunny Place

Don

markngolf Loc: Bridgewater, NJ

Thanks, Don!
Mark

badapple Loc: Twin Lake, Michigan

We’ve had some wonderful comedians in our lifetime. Thanks.

markngolf Loc: Bridgewater, NJ

Many!!

Thanks,
Mark

47greyfox Loc: on the edge of the Colorado front range

Lucy and Joan must have been watching my behavior.