Cheese

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After the mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.” So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:

SIP THE VODKA, DON’T GULP.

There are 10 commandments, not 12.
There are 12 disciples, not 10.
Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet on his ass.
We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the big J.C.
The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.
David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass.
We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T.”
When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, “Take this and eat it for it is my body.” He did not say, “Eat me.”
The Virgin Mary is not called “Mary with the Cherry.”
The recommended grace before a meal is not: “Rub-A-Dub-Dub, thanks for the grub. Yeeeeah God.”
Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter’s, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.

NMGal Loc: NE NM

LOL!

robertjerl Loc: Corona, California

OKkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!

Manglesphoto Loc: 70 miles south of St.Louis

I first heard this joke in or around 1956 and it's still funny

jaymatt Loc: Alexandria, Indiana

ecobin Loc: Paoli, PA

👍👍

Earnest Botello Loc: Hockley, Texas

LMAO, Cheese, those are great.

Niklon Loc: Athens, Ga

😂😂😂

BBurns Loc: South Bay, California

This triggered my old memory.

3 Priests take a Train Trip
Two young and an old senior priest are taking the train to a conference in Pennsylvania.
They decide that it would be best if only one of them went to the counter to buy the tickets.
The first young priest goes to the counter, and while standing in line he notices the ticketing agent.
She is a young lady wearing a see-through top with nothing underneath.

Now, somewhat flustered, he says to her, "I'd like three pickets to Titsburgh, please."

He gets so embarrassed he leaves without the tickets and returns to his companions to explain what happened.

The second young priest says it will not be a problem for him. Confidently, he approaches the agent and says,

"I'd like three tickets to Pittsburgh, please, and I'd like my change in nipples and dimes."

He, too, gets embarrassed and leaves in shame.

The old priest, determined to set an example for his young wards, steels himself, walks up to the counter and says to the agent,

"I'd like three tickets to Pittsburgh, please, and I'd like my change in nickels and dimes."

He receives his tickets and change, and on his way back to his friends, he swaggers triumphantly over to the young woman and says,

"I hope you realize, young lady, that when you get to Heaven, Saint Finger is going to stand there and shake his peter at you!"

Lady Red Loc: Puget Sound, WA

Thanks for the rerun!

Lady Red Loc: Puget Sound, WA

Excellent!

Moondoggie Loc: Southern California

Pretty funny!