Graham Thirkill Loc: Idylic North Yorkshire, England UK.

One-liners are the most versatile tool in the dad-joke toolbox, because the teller doesn't have
to wait for any setup. Just drop these into a conversation whenever there's a dull moment.

I love dad jokes, but I don't have kids, which makes me a Faux Pa.

I only know 25 letters of the alphabet — I just don't know y.

My dream job is to clean mirrors, because I can really see myself doing that.

I lost 25% of my roof last night...oof

I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something
.
RIP, boiling water. You will be mist.

Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked

Two peanuts went walking down the street. One was assaulted.

I'm so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed!

I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg

Mom said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana
.
Every time I take my dog to the park, the ducks try to bite him. That’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.

6:30 is my favorite time of day, hands down
.
My dog is a genius. I asked him, "What's two minus two?" He said nothing

I used to run a dating service for chickens, but I was struggling to make hens meet

I’m friends with almost all the letters of the alphabet. I just don’t know Y.

Mom texted me from the grocery store to say they’re out of pasta, and we’re penneless.

Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be justwater.

I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.

Most people can’t tell the difference between entomology and etymology. I can’t find the words for how much this bugs me.

A magician was walking down the street — then he turned into a store
.
We’re renovating the house, and the first floor is going great, but the second floor is another story.

I'm reading an anti-gravity book, and I just can't put it down!

At first, I thought my chiropractor wasn’t any good, but now I stand corrected.

My toddler is refusing to nap. He’s guilty of resisting a rest.

I used to be able to play piano by ear, but now I have to use my hands.

I failed my calculus exam because I was sitting in the middle of identical twins — I couldn’t differentiate between them.

My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days. I said it must be my weekend immune system.

Every night, I have hard time remembering something, but then it dawns on me.

The wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.

I can tolerate algebra, maybe even a little calculus but geometry is where I draw the line.

I was wondering why the baseball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.

Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows — they're making headlines!

My therapist told me I have problems expressing my emotions. Can’t say I’m surprised.

I was once a personal trainer, until I gave a too-weak notice.

I just paid $100 for a belt that doesn’t fit — what a huge waist!

I finally watched that documentary on clocks. It was about time.

I love telling Dad jokes. Sometimes, he even laughs

C&B-G