Treepusher Loc: Kingston, Massachusetts

A captain in the French Foreign Legion arrives at his new command--a tiny fort deep in the desert. As a grizzled sergeant accompanies him to review the garrison and show him around, the captain notices a single camel tied to a post in a far corner of the fort.

"Sergeant? What is this...animal doing in my fort?"

"Ah, mon Capitan, that is Alouette, the camp camel. As you are undoubtedly aware, we are a long way from the nearest town and, as you are also aware, women are not allowed in the fort."

"So? What has one to do with the other?"

"Well, excuse me, mon Capitan, but the men, they have needs, yes? And when off duty, the men use the camel to help satisfy those needs. Alouette is very willing. And of course, as commander, she will at all times be at your own disposal."

"You expect me to use the camel?"

"But of course, mon Capitan. All the men do. As do I."

The captain is taken aback. "You...use the camel?"

"Yes, mon Capitan. Frequently."

The captain shakes his head, resolving then and there never to use the camel.

But weeks and months go by, and the desert is a lonely place. He thinks about using the camel, but no matter his own need, the idea repels him. The captain at length notices some of the men beginning to mutter as he passes them. He calls the sergeant.

"Sergeant, I have caught some of the men looking at me with disrespect. This is intolerable. Speak up, what is the reason for this foolishness?"

"Ah, mon Capitan, it pains me to say it, but you have been in command here for many months, and the men and I have noticed that you never use the camel. They are wondering why? I, of course, hold you in the highest regard, but you can of course understand why we would be puzzled. After all, you are a man like any other, are you not? And we all use her from time to time. There is no shame in doing so, and the men, they would in fact respect you for it."

"I see." The captain nods, understanding. He thinks to himself, "Like it or not, I must have the respect of my men, so I must do what I must do."

"Sergeant...bring me the camel!"

"Now, mon Capitan?"

"Oui. This instant! And gather the men. I wish them all to see this."

The sergeant grins and leaps to obey, and brings the haltered camel at once, handing over the lead. "She is yours, mon Capitan. And may I say, the men and I will be most pleased to see you use her."

The captain nods and takes a deep breath. He strips off his clothes and, in front of the gathered men, procedes to make mad, passionate love to the camel. As he does so, he notices the men of the fort staring at him with dismay and disgust. As he finishes his lovemaking, several of the men laugh and spit at his feet.

Dressing himself, he shoves Alouette's lead into the hands of nearest man and stalks in silence to his quarters. He calls for the sergeant. "Sergeant! What is this disrespect? I will not stand for it! After all, I have now used the camel!"

"Mon Capitan, it is just that neither the men nor I have ever seen anything like this before."

The captain shouts in anger, "But you told me you and the men have all used the camel."

"And so they do, mon Capitan. But the men and I use her to ride to town."

bobmcculloch Loc: NYC, NY

Knew that was coming