Think You Will Enjoy
Nov 22, 2021 22:51:33 #
I am sure you will enjoy these
A doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the docor was looking through these his eyes grew wide as he realized Grandma had a prescription for birth control pills.
“Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are birth control pills?”
“Yes, they help me sleep at night.”
“Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely nothing in these that could possibly help you sleep.”
She reached out and patted the young doctor’s knee and said, “Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16-year-old Granddaughter drinks. And believe me it definitely helps me sleep at night.”
You gotta love Grandmas
A man was riding on a full bus minding his own business when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby. The baby wouldn’t take it so she said, “Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I’ll have to give it to this nice man next to us.”
Five minutes later the baby was still not feeding, so she said, “Come on, honey. Take it or I’ll give it to this nice man here.” A few minutes later the anxious man blurted out, “Come on kid. Make up Your mind! I was supposed to get off four stops ago!”
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, ‘Name seven advantages of Mother’s Milk.’ The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student was hard put to think of seven advantages. He wrote:
1. It is perfect formula for the child.
2. It provides immunity against several diseases.
3. It is always the right temperature.
4. It is inexpensive.
5. It bonds the child to mother and vice versa.
6. It is always available as needed.
And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test he wrote:
7. It comes in two attractive containers and it’s high enogh off the ground where the cat can’t get it.
He got an A+
A woman and her 12-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings.
“Mom,” said the boy, “what are all those women doing?‘
“They’re waiting for their husbands to get off work,” she replied.
The taxi driver turns around and says, “Geez lady, why don’t you tell him the truth? They’re hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money.”
The little boy’s eyes got wide and he says, “Is that true Mom?”
His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers “Yes.”
After a few minutes the kid asks, “Mom, if those women have babies, what happens to them?”
She said, “Most of them become taxi drivers.”
An elderly, but hardy cattleman from Texas once told a young female neighbor that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal each morning. She did this religiously and lived to the ripe old age of 103. She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 21 great-grandchildren, five great-great-grandchildren and a 40-foot HOLE where the crematorium used to be.
IF YOU DON’T PASS THIS ON TO YOUR FRIENDS BY 11:30 AM TOMORROW, YOU WILL RECEIVE THREE ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS ABSOLUTELY FREE.
A doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the docor was looking through these his eyes grew wide as he realized Grandma had a prescription for birth control pills.
“Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are birth control pills?”
“Yes, they help me sleep at night.”
“Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely nothing in these that could possibly help you sleep.”
She reached out and patted the young doctor’s knee and said, “Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16-year-old Granddaughter drinks. And believe me it definitely helps me sleep at night.”
You gotta love Grandmas
A man was riding on a full bus minding his own business when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby. The baby wouldn’t take it so she said, “Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I’ll have to give it to this nice man next to us.”
Five minutes later the baby was still not feeding, so she said, “Come on, honey. Take it or I’ll give it to this nice man here.” A few minutes later the anxious man blurted out, “Come on kid. Make up Your mind! I was supposed to get off four stops ago!”
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, ‘Name seven advantages of Mother’s Milk.’ The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student was hard put to think of seven advantages. He wrote:
1. It is perfect formula for the child.
2. It provides immunity against several diseases.
3. It is always the right temperature.
4. It is inexpensive.
5. It bonds the child to mother and vice versa.
6. It is always available as needed.
And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test he wrote:
7. It comes in two attractive containers and it’s high enogh off the ground where the cat can’t get it.
He got an A+
A woman and her 12-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings.
“Mom,” said the boy, “what are all those women doing?‘
“They’re waiting for their husbands to get off work,” she replied.
The taxi driver turns around and says, “Geez lady, why don’t you tell him the truth? They’re hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money.”
The little boy’s eyes got wide and he says, “Is that true Mom?”
His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers “Yes.”
After a few minutes the kid asks, “Mom, if those women have babies, what happens to them?”
She said, “Most of them become taxi drivers.”
An elderly, but hardy cattleman from Texas once told a young female neighbor that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal each morning. She did this religiously and lived to the ripe old age of 103. She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 21 great-grandchildren, five great-great-grandchildren and a 40-foot HOLE where the crematorium used to be.
IF YOU DON’T PASS THIS ON TO YOUR FRIENDS BY 11:30 AM TOMORROW, YOU WILL RECEIVE THREE ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS ABSOLUTELY FREE.
Nov 22, 2021 23:23:54 #
Nov 23, 2021 00:13:41 #
Brian in Whitby
Loc: Whitby, Ontario, Canada
Those are great ones.
They kept me chuckling the whole time I was teading them even though I have heard them before.
They kept me chuckling the whole time I was teading them even though I have heard them before.
Nov 23, 2021 04:15:44 #
twosummers
Loc: Melbourne Australia or Lincolnshire England
Another advantage of breast feeding is that dad gets to play with the empties
Nov 23, 2021 06:52:33 #
Nov 23, 2021 07:20:50 #
Nov 23, 2021 07:56:12 #
Nov 23, 2021 08:05:54 #
Nov 23, 2021 09:42:00 #
JoAnneK01 wrote:
IF YOU DON’T PASS THIS ON TO YOUR FRIENDS BY 11:30 AM TOMORROW, YOU WILL RECEIVE THREE ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS ABSOLUTELY FREE.
Only three?! That's not nearly enough. There's so much to do around here.
Nov 23, 2021 11:54:08 #
Nov 23, 2021 12:57:01 #
olddutch
Loc: Beloit, Wisconsin
If you keep that up you will outdo Jerry. I had a friend that flew for Hawaiian Airlines on his way to the airport he asked the cab driver to hurry because he was late for his flight. And as the taxi driver was waving his way through Honolulu traffic a very pregnant lady started walking across the street in front of them he hit the brakes and ended up sideways on the street and when she calmly told the lady ma’amYou can get knocked down to…
Nov 23, 2021 13:31:05 #
olddutch wrote:
If you keep that up you will outdo Jerry. I had a friend that flew for Hawaiian Airlines on his way to the airport he asked the cab driver to hurry because he was late for his flight. And as the taxi driver was waving his way through Honolulu traffic a very pregnant lady started walking across the street in front of them he hit the brakes and ended up sideways on the street and when she calmly told the lady ma’amYou can get knocked down to…
Nov 23, 2021 14:08:35 #
RightOnPhotography
Loc: Quebec,QC
napabob wrote:
OK, I need clarification to understand this joke. The passenger and the driver were both men. Who was the lady that "calmly told..." and who was another lady?
Nov 23, 2021 17:55:53 #
Nov 23, 2021 21:06:36 #
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