Vince68 Loc: Wappingers Falls, NY

I was standing at the bar at the VFW one night minding my own business.

This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?"

I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"

She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".

I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."

Cost me 6 stitches...but,

When you’re over seventy..............who cares?

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I went to the drug store and told the clerk "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."

Lady Clerk: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?”

I said "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....."

When you’re seventy and over..............who cares?

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I was talking to a young woman in the VFW last night.

She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right”

I said, “If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you.”

Cost me a fat lip, but...

When you’re seventy and older..............who cares?

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I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.

"Really" she said, "Go on then.. try."

After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"

I said, "Yesterday."

Cost me a kick in the nuts, but...

When you’re seventy and older..............who cares?

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I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

When you’re seventy and older..............who cares?

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I went to our VFW last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.

I said, "Good legs."

The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"

I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Cost me 6 more stitches, but...

When you’re seventy and over...............who cares?

================

"Count your life by smiles, not tears, count your age by friends, not years, and remember we do not quit playing because we grow old.... we grow old because we quit playing.

lowkick Loc: Connecticut

Like I always say, "I'm old enough to know better, but too old to care!"

lamontcranston

Thanks for the good laugh this morning. Got my heart going.

jaymatt Loc: Alexandria, Indiana

Earnest Botello Loc: Hockley, Texas

Good and funny Vince, thanks.

jerryc41 Loc: Catskill Mts of NY

Sendai5355 Loc: On the banks of the Pedernales River, Texas

The cashier at the grocery store asked me if I wanted paper or plastic.
I told her it didn't matter as I was bisackual.

PRETENDER Loc: Micanopy,Florida

Thanks for the kickstart this fine morning. 80 and loving it.

Vince68 Loc: Wappingers Falls, NY

Glad to hear you all liked it, and that it was a good start to your day.

BBurns Loc: South Bay, California

I bought a few items at the grocery store.
The cashier asked me if I wanted a bag. I said,
"No, I had one but I got a divorce!"

AirWalter Loc: Tipp City, Ohio

AirWalter Loc: Tipp City, Ohio

They ask Me the same thing! I always tell Them plastic is fine; then I usually get a nasty look if the bagger is of younger age, probably because plastic bags aren't good for the environment. Hell, I know that; but I tell Them that the plastic bags are real handy for cleaning out the litter box! Then They look at You and smile and say, "yeah, that's' what I do with them too". Go figure!?!?

PAR4DCR Loc: A Sunny Place

Don

Hal81 Loc: Bucks County, Pa.

Im 88, when I want a good laugh I just look at my reflection.

DickC Loc: NE Washington state