Rusty Lens

My wife found the following quite humorous. I explained that I was familiar with all 16 items and, while the military often has a slightly warped sense of dark humor, it is usually for a deadly serious point. Any of you who have served in the armed forces of any country can identify and probably add to the list I have here.

1.) When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend. - U.S. Marines
2.) Aim toward the enemy. - Rocket launcher instruction
3.) If the enemy is within range, so are you. - Infantry Journal
4.) A slipped gear could cause the M203 grenade launcher to fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular with what is left of your unit. - Army Preventative Maintenance Magazine
5.) It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you have just bombed. -USAF manual
6.) Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo. - Infantry journal
7.) Cluster bombing from B-52's is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground. -USAF ammo troop
8.) Tracers work both ways. US Army Ordinance
9.) Five-second fuses only last three seconds. Infantry Journal
10.) If your attack is going too well, you are walking into an ambush. -Infantry Journal
11.) No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection. -unknown
12.) Any ship can be a minesweeper, ONCE. -unknown
13.) If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him. -USAF ammo troop
14.) Never tell the Platoon Sergent you have nothing to do. -Marine Recruit
15.) Don't draw fire, it irritates the people around you. -Infantry Journal
16.) Bravery is being the only one who knows you are afraid. - David Hockworth

pesfls Loc: Oregon, USA

Slight correction. "David Hockworth" was Col. David Hackworth. RIP Colonel. #11 is the best of the lot in my view.

LWW Loc: Banana Republic of America

17.) No battle plan survives intact following contact with the enemy, which has its own plan.

LWW Loc: Banana Republic of America

18.) The goal of the American soldier is no to be the dumb sumbitch that dies for their country, the goal of the American soldier is to make the other dumb sumbitch die for their country. - George S Patton

LWW Loc: Banana Republic of America

19.) Be glad you joined the US Army which allows you to hate todays march, in the Soviet Army they are required to enjoy such misery. - DI Sgt Eisenhauer Ft Knox, Ky

LWW Loc: Banana Republic of America

20.) The United States Army did not lose the equipment needed for this weekends maneuvers, it was merely forwarded to an unknown location. - Major Michael K Lane

Angmo

*in heavy Russian accent*

In Soviet Russia, bullets count you

robertjerl Loc: Corona, California

21. There is no such thing as "friendly fire". a GI

Joe Blow

22) That bullet with your name on it doesn't know your name isn't Remington.

robertjerl Loc: Corona, California

23. Military Intelligence is an oxymoron. Accent on the 'moron'.

Angmo

Your M4 is supplied by the lowest bidder...

Angmo

To the newbs reporting for duty at their first airwing assignment:

- go get me 50 gallons of prop wash.

- get me 200 feet of flight line.

They could be gone for days....

Angmo

Come on, you sons of bitches! Do you want to live forever?

GySgt. Daniel J. "Dan" Daly, USMC
near Lucy-`le-Bocage as he led the 5th Marines' attack into Belleau Wood, 6 June 1918

nimbushopper Loc: Tampa, FL

Architect1776 Loc: In my mind