Bridges Loc: Memphis, Charleston SC, now Nazareth PA

How to give a cat a pill:



1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.



2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.



3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, throw away soggy pill. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill into back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.



4. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl, and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.



5. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw. Force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.



6. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans. Drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill.



7. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw away T-shirt and fetch new one from bedroom.



8. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Arrange for SPCA to collect cat, and ring local pet shop to see if they have any goldfish.



How to give a dog a pill:



1. Wrap it in bacon.

Rolk Loc: South Central PA

Love it!

Leicaflex Loc: Cymru

Doddy Loc: Barnard Castle-England

Ha Ha..Love it.

sb Loc: Florida's East Coast

This isn't funny.... he says, still shell-shocked from the last time he tried to give his cat a pill......

berchman Loc: South Central PA

I have a great cat who doesn't scratch or bite, but she holds that damned pill in her mouth until she gets a chance to spit it out.

jaymatt Loc: Alexandria, Indiana

That is precisely why I have a dog.

jsmangis Loc: Peoria, IL

Excellent! I have always had dogs, and use peanut butter to give them pills.

DragonsLady Loc: Los Alamos, NM

An oldie, but a goodie, as anyone who has a cat can relate to. Have you ever tried to give a black and white cat Pepto-Bismol? You end up with a black/white and pink cat and you with pink splotches on whatever you're wearing (sometimes INSIDE your clothing!) And the cat is doing it's best to regurgitate what little went down the throat. Take the cat to the vet for the first of seven shots to clear up the problem. Go to the doctor to get your tetanus vaccination brought up to date and a shot of penicillin "Just Because".

lindysue12

Mash the pill into powder and put into food. WHAT!!!!

ebbote Loc: Hockley, Texas

Very funny.

bellgamin Loc: Ewa Beach, Hawaii

If you own a cat, here's a book you might find helpful: "How to Bathe Your Cat" by Claude Balz.

AirWalter Loc: Tipp City, Ohio

That was hilarious! Been there done that. Just recently found out My Long Haired Persian has congested heart problems. Have to give Her Lasix for water retention and a pill called vetmedin for the heart. Thought I got pills in Her after getting bit to the bone the first time. The next day I found Her heart pill buried in the fur on Her chest. I have no idea how She spit that pill out. Finally had to crush the pills into a powder, get a syringe from the Vet, make a small funnel out of paper, put powder in syringe, plug end of syringe with a toothpick so powder didn't drain out, mix powder with a little water, reinsert plunger in syringe, shake syringe to mix powder and water, then slowly put tip of syringe in corner of mouth (cat's mouth), and when She opens Her mouth a little give a small push on plunger. Do this about 3 times and the plunger is empty - - - SUCCESS! The next day I was in a hurry and gave the whole plunger mixture to Her in one push. As I was apologizing to Her She choked and blew the mixture all over My glasses and face. Lessoned learned. Go slow with Her and now She is used to it and just sits and watches Me get Her syringe ready everyday and takes Her meds. Poor Kitty, She's a good Girl.

bellgamin Loc: Ewa Beach, Hawaii

She sure is! May she live long & prosper. 😇

AirWalter Loc: Tipp City, Ohio

The biggest problem with Her is that She is cute as a button and knows it. Got Me wrapped around Her paw, and can get away with anything. I'm in trouble! Oh well, She's worth it.