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Steven Wright Great American Comedian born 1955..........Graham
Jan 17, 2018 14:05:49 #
To get the most from these one-liners, you have to imagine Steve's deadpan delivery.
Steve Wright Jokes.
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
I have a map of the world at home. Full size, I spent last summer folding it.
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are cigarettes sold in petrol stations when smoking is prohibited there?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
Why is abbreviation such a long word?Steve Wright Jokes
How did a fool and his money get together?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
What's another word for thesaurus?
Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
How does the guy who drives the snowplough get to work in the mornings?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you
transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
---------------
Another Tranche of Steve Wright HumoUr
I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen...and replaced by exact duplicates.
Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
Half the people you know are below average.
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
My mechanic told me, 'I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for his ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
How do I set my laser printer on stun?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the stuff?
If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles away?
And whose cruel idea was it for the word 'Lisp' to have a 'S' in it?
We toured the USA for six months last year, we only had one cassette, I forget what it was
Steve Wright Jokes.
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
I have a map of the world at home. Full size, I spent last summer folding it.
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are cigarettes sold in petrol stations when smoking is prohibited there?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
Why is abbreviation such a long word?Steve Wright Jokes
How did a fool and his money get together?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
What's another word for thesaurus?
Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
How does the guy who drives the snowplough get to work in the mornings?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you
transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
---------------
Another Tranche of Steve Wright HumoUr
I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen...and replaced by exact duplicates.
Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
Half the people you know are below average.
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
My mechanic told me, 'I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for his ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
How do I set my laser printer on stun?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the stuff?
If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles away?
And whose cruel idea was it for the word 'Lisp' to have a 'S' in it?
We toured the USA for six months last year, we only had one cassette, I forget what it was
Jan 18, 2018 07:51:58 #
His jokes aren’t so great, really; it’s his delivery that makes them hilarious.
Jan 18, 2018 08:03:16 #
He’s been around forever. My daughter saw him at her college in 1988. A student yelled, “Hey Steve, what happened to your hair”? He walked off stage and did not return. Guess we all have a hot button somewhere.
He’s great!
He’s great!
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Jan 18, 2018 10:56:44 #
brobill wrote:
He’s been around forever. My daughter saw him at her college in 1988. A student yelled, “Hey Steve, what happened to your hair”? He walked off stage and did not return. Guess we all have a hot button somewhere.
He’s great!
He’s great!
It took him all night to find all the follicles. "When in doubt, follow the follicles."
Jan 18, 2018 11:10:53 #
My favorite of his many quips is, "I put instant coffee in the microwave. It went back in time."
Jan 18, 2018 11:43:43 #
daverc11 wrote:
My favorite of his many quips is, "I put instant coffee in the microwave. It went back in time."
"What do I add to Instant Water?"
Jan 18, 2018 13:22:35 #
jaymatt wrote:
His jokes aren’t so great, really; it’s his delivery that makes them hilarious.
It tells you that at the beginning of the thread jaymatt, You have to imagine the pan face and delivery, he was received very well in the UK.
I like him very much, very droll....When he came over the fist time he was the dogs wotzits and on all the top shows.
Cheers and Beers
Graham 098
Jan 18, 2018 13:32:54 #
brobill wrote:
He’s been around forever. My daughter saw him at her college in 1988. A student yelled, “Hey Steve, what happened to your hair”? He walked off stage and did not return. Guess we all have a hot button somewhere.
He’s great!
He’s great!
..................
He was only in his early thirties in 1988, In front of a young college audience, maybe he was very very embarrassed, I would have been.
I wouldn't be too happy, if someone shouted that out at me now, in public and I'm in my late seventies.
Cheers and Beers
Graham
098
Jan 18, 2018 19:08:57 #
Another one - If you are traveling at the speed of light and turn on the headlights can you see anything??
Really liked his humor.
Don
Really liked his humor.
Don
Jan 20, 2018 09:47:43 #
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