Doctor Jokes
Sep 15, 2017 09:21:43 #
Just got this in an email and had to share:
MEDICAL EXAMS ... actual physician experiences
1. Man comes into the ER and yells . . .'My wife's going to have
her baby in the cab.'I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab,
lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in
the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark Mac Donald, San Francisco
2... At the beginning of my shift
I placed a stethoscope on an elderly
and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
'Big breaths,'. . . I instructed.
'Yes, they used to be,'. . .replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes , Seattle , WA
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad
news when I told a wife that her husband had
died of a massive myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her
reporting to the rest of the family that he had
died of a 'massive internal fart.'
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
4. During a patient's two week follow-up
appointment with his cardiologist, he informed
me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with
one of his medications.
'Which one?'. I asked. 'The patch..
The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm
running out of places to put it!' I had him quickly undress and
discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see.
Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now, the instructions include: "Please remove
the old patch before applying a new one."
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,
'How long have you been bedridden?'>> After a look of complete
confusion she answered .' Why, not for about twenty years - when my
husband was alive.'
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Corvallis , OR
6. I was performing rounds at the
hospital one morning and while checking
up on a man I asked . . .'So how's your
breakfast this morning?' "It's very good
except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem
to get used to the taste," Bob replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced
a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman
with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a
variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered . .. . It
was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff
noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there
was a tattoo that read . . .' Keep off the grass.' Once the surgery
was completed, the surgeon
wrote a short note on the patient's dressing,
which said 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'
Submitted by RN no name
AND FINALLY!!
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB. I was quite
embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams... To cover my
embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam
suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me.
I looked up from my work and sheepishly said. . 'I'm sorry. Was I
tickling you?'
She replied with tears running down
her cheeks from laughing so hard.
'No doctor but the song you were whistling was .
'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.'
Dr. wouldn't submit his name....
ONE MORE My Favorite
Baby's First Doctor Visit
This made me laugh out loud. I hope it will give you a smile!
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting
for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby,
checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the
baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. 'Breast-fed,' she replied.
'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both
breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this
baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.'
I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma,
But I'm glad I came.
MEDICAL EXAMS ... actual physician experiences
1. Man comes into the ER and yells . . .'My wife's going to have
her baby in the cab.'I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab,
lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in
the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark Mac Donald, San Francisco
2... At the beginning of my shift
I placed a stethoscope on an elderly
and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
'Big breaths,'. . . I instructed.
'Yes, they used to be,'. . .replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes , Seattle , WA
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad
news when I told a wife that her husband had
died of a massive myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her
reporting to the rest of the family that he had
died of a 'massive internal fart.'
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
4. During a patient's two week follow-up
appointment with his cardiologist, he informed
me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with
one of his medications.
'Which one?'. I asked. 'The patch..
The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm
running out of places to put it!' I had him quickly undress and
discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see.
Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now, the instructions include: "Please remove
the old patch before applying a new one."
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,
'How long have you been bedridden?'>> After a look of complete
confusion she answered .' Why, not for about twenty years - when my
husband was alive.'
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Corvallis , OR
6. I was performing rounds at the
hospital one morning and while checking
up on a man I asked . . .'So how's your
breakfast this morning?' "It's very good
except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem
to get used to the taste," Bob replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced
a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman
with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a
variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered . .. . It
was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff
noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there
was a tattoo that read . . .' Keep off the grass.' Once the surgery
was completed, the surgeon
wrote a short note on the patient's dressing,
which said 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'
Submitted by RN no name
AND FINALLY!!
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB. I was quite
embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams... To cover my
embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam
suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me.
I looked up from my work and sheepishly said. . 'I'm sorry. Was I
tickling you?'
She replied with tears running down
her cheeks from laughing so hard.
'No doctor but the song you were whistling was .
'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.'
Dr. wouldn't submit his name....
ONE MORE My Favorite
Baby's First Doctor Visit
This made me laugh out loud. I hope it will give you a smile!
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting
for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby,
checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the
baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. 'Breast-fed,' she replied.
'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both
breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this
baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.'
I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma,
But I'm glad I came.
Sep 15, 2017 12:59:03 #
Sep 16, 2017 06:22:30 #
Sep 16, 2017 08:16:07 #
Sep 16, 2017 08:52:46 #
Sep 16, 2017 09:42:58 #
Sep 16, 2017 10:07:57 #
Sep 16, 2017 10:34:05 #
Sep 16, 2017 12:27:35 #
Sep 16, 2017 18:10:26 #
Sep 16, 2017 20:11:42 #
docphoto
Loc: Illinois
These are great. As a practicing Emergency Medicine Physician I can appreciate these ... thanks for sharing
Sep 16, 2017 21:40:11 #
Sep 16, 2017 22:31:10 #
My face is still wet from the "Oscar Meyer Wiener" joke. I can just see that happening.
Sep 17, 2017 00:06:37 #
Sep 19, 2017 20:56:50 #
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