crafterwantabe Loc: Mn

ATHEIST IN THE WOODS
An atheist was walking through the woods.
'What majestic trees!
'What powerful rivers !
'What beautiful animals!
He said to himself.
Suddenly, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.
He turned to look .... . . and saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.
________________________________________
He ran as fast as he could along the path.
He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing on him ....
He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer .... and then .... He tripped and fell.
Rolling over to pick himself up, he found the bear was right on top of him .........
reaching towards him with its left paw ..... and raising the right paw to strike ...
________________________________________
At that instant the Atheist cried out,
'Oh my God!'
Time Stopped ...
The bear froze ......
The forest was silent ....
A bright light shone upon the man,
and a voice came out of the sky ...
"You deny my existence for all these years,
you teach others I don't exist
and even credit creation to cosmic accident ........
Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?"
"Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light ....
"It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now ...
but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?"
... a pause ...

"Very well," said the voice ...
The light went out.
The sounds of the forest resumed ....
the bear dropped his right arm ...
brought both paws together ...
bowed his head & spoke...
________________________________________
"Lord, bless this food,
which I am about to receive.
Amen."

Kuzano

Already sent to a half dozen "born agains......."

I.A.Teacher

I love this; I have many friends who will enjoy a good laugh.

Longshadow Loc: Audubon, PA, United States

Jakebrake Loc: Broomfield, Colorado

Poetic justice maybe!

Greenbean Loc: Live in Sarasota Co., Florida

I'm not sure if I were that bear I would want to eat an atheist. Could give him gas!

12pups Loc: Worthington, Minnesota, USA

What a horribly inhuman joke!

... I'll counter with a more "human" one.

So this cannibal with a really bad bellyache comes into the witch doctor's hut for diagnosis and remedy. He is moaning, and holding his engorged belly as the witch doctor studies him, pokes here and there, and asks a routine question: "Who have you eaten lately?"

"I don't know who he was," he managed to cry out with effort between moans.

"Describe him to me," the witch doctor said.

"He was short and fat and baldheaded except for a rim of hair like a wreath."

The witch doctor's eyes widened. And he followed up with, "And ... how was this bald man dressed?"

"He wore a brown robe, with a white rope tied around it, and from that a cross of sticks."

"I see," said the witch doctor. "Now tell me, how did you cook him?"

"As always. In a large pot of boiling water."

The witch doctor smiled and said, "Ah, there's your mistake! -- He was a friar."

:)

rehess Loc: South Bend, Indiana, USA

Back in the 1970's, when we weren't as intense as today, a cartoon made the rounds of Evangelical Christian churches {I'm guessing it was copied on their copiers}. It showed two cells in the Roman Coliseum.

In the first cell, a kneeling man prayed "O Lord, provide me with a Christian lion".

In the other cell, a kneeling lion prayed "O Lord, I thank Thee for the meal I am about to receive"

As the Old Testament book of Ecclesiastes says "there is nothing new under the sun", and no reason for anyone to take offense from either of these jokes.

Hammer Loc: London UK

Fantastic,

joehel2 Loc: Cherry Hill, NJ

Too funny.

jerryc41 Loc: Catskill Mts of NY

jaymatt Loc: Alexandria, Indiana

Love it.

cdayton

Since the cannibal theme has been brought up, have you heard the one about the cannibal who passed his brother in the jungle?
{Apologies in advance}

crafterwantabe Loc: Mn

No I haven't !

Reinaldokool Loc: San Rafael, CA

I find humor that puts down any religion as distasteful. The atheist religion, no different. Atheism is as good a religion as any and equally deserving of respect. I write as a follower of Jesus, not an atheist, but have many atheist friends whom I admire.