mullumby Loc: Australia

A friend went to Beijing recently and was given this brochure by the hotel.
It is precious. She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels depressed.
Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English....

Getting There:
Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel
runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You
will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the
bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to
have intercourse with all new guests.

The hotel:
This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are
always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in
the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in
the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not
allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is
ever left alone to play with them self.

The Restaurant:
Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At
dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.

Your Room:
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every
room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding
obscenity! . You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road
between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.

Bed:
Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any
other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her.
She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If
asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.

Above all:
When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope.
You will struggle to forget it."

RichardTaylor Loc: Sydney, Australia

Love it!

G Brown Loc: Sunny Bognor Regis West Sussex UK

If only Google translate worked as well...

nice one

jerryc41 Loc: Catskill Mts of NY

Translated by the same people who write instruction manuals. :)

BBurns Loc: South Bay, California

Reminded me of this one. It is a record of a phone call in a hotel somewhere in Asia. It seems like gibberish at first, but please persevere.
It is hilarious. Just try to read it out loud, phonetically.:

Room Service: "Morny. Ruin sorbees"
Guest: "Sorry, I thought I dialled room-service"
Room Service: "Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??"
Guest: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs"
Room Service: "Ow July den?"
Guest: "What??"
Room Service: "Ow July den?...pry,boy, pooch?"
Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."
Room Service: "Ow July dee bayhcem...crease?"
Guest: "Crisp will be fine."
Room Service: "Hokay. An san toes?"
Guest: "What?"
Room Service: "San tos. July san toes?"
Guest: "I don't think so."
Room Service: "No? Judo one toes??"
Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo one toes' means."
Room Service: "Toes! toes!...why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we bother?"
Guest: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
Room Service: "We bother?"
Guest: "No, just put the bother on the side."
Room Service: "Wad?"
Guest: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."
Room Service: "Copy?"
Guest: "Sorry?"
Room Service: "Copy...tea...mill?"
Guest: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all."
Room Service: "One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, creasebaychem,
Tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy....rye??"
Guest: "Whatever you say"
Room Service: "Tendjewberrymud"
Guest: "You're welcome"