Return to sender
Sep 30, 2016 09:29:32 #
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.
The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because
it was making her sick.
He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would
blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to blast them out!
Then one Thanksgiving she was in the kitchen making turkey for
dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare
parts and a malicious thought came to her. Warm the innards up to body
temperature!.......... .....and then She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers,she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.
The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor
laughing, tears in her eyes!After years of torture she reckoned she
had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his
bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face.
She bit her lip as she asked him what the matter was. He said, "Honey,you were right." "All these years you have warned meand I didn't listen to you.
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.Well, you always told me that one
day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened.
But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I
got most of them back in.
The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because
it was making her sick.
He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would
blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to blast them out!
Then one Thanksgiving she was in the kitchen making turkey for
dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare
parts and a malicious thought came to her. Warm the innards up to body
temperature!.......... .....and then She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers,she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.
The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor
laughing, tears in her eyes!After years of torture she reckoned she
had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his
bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face.
She bit her lip as she asked him what the matter was. He said, "Honey,you were right." "All these years you have warned meand I didn't listen to you.
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.Well, you always told me that one
day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened.
But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I
got most of them back in.
Sep 30, 2016 18:36:41 #
That is funny...I wont show my wife this..she might try the same thing..lol.
Oct 1, 2016 08:19:42 #
Oct 1, 2016 09:16:44 #
Oct 1, 2016 09:19:39 #
Oct 1, 2016 11:01:14 #
Oct 1, 2016 12:37:23 #
Oct 1, 2016 16:46:14 #
Oct 2, 2016 03:58:08 #
papajacknow20 wrote:
This is a story about a couple who had been happil... (show quote)
LMAO.......excellent
Oct 2, 2016 13:54:01 #
Oct 2, 2016 14:33:57 #
Maybe, she didn't pass "The Whiff Test."
There's a lot you can learn about your woman simply by breaking the wind in her presence. For example, some girls will complain about it. You DON'T want one of those women! They're likely to complain about many other things over the years, and they'll also try to suppress your natural bodily functions. I figure that if you can't fart in front of your woman, then you don't have an "honest" relationship. Save yourself a lot of trouble, and ditch her now!
(Yes ladies, it's true: MEN FART! In fact, when I was a Boy Scout, we used to have lots of fun with them. We had fireside farting contests, we'd light them on fire, etc. And it was loads of fun!)
There's also a large group of women who respond to "The Whiff Test" by remaining silent. Either they cannot smell it (unlikely), or they choose not to say anything about it (likely). Of course, this isn't a very "honest" way to handle a relationship, but it's also very refreshing to meet a woman who doesn't complain all the time. So I guess if you guys meet a girl like this, it's ok to keep her around.
It's probably worth mentioning that "The Whiff Test" that I gave my girlfriend included an especially pungent sample of my finest farting prowess. I was very careful with my dietary selection that day, and I made sure to eat plenty of vegetables (mostly cauliflower, broccoli and beans) because I wanted to be absolutely sure that she and I are compatible.
When the time finally came, she was in bed reading Cosmopolitan Magazine just like she does every night before going to sleep. I got into bed next to her, and exchanged some small talk while the final load of bowel pressure was building up inside me. When it was ready, I let it rip, baby!
At first, I thought that I might have pushed too hard, so I clamped my butt joint as hard as I could. My fart was momentarily caught in between my butt cheeks, and it came out with a beautiful ripping/flapping sound. (Back in the Boy Scouts, we referred to this as "music")
Of course, I had no choice but to clamp down on my butt joint at the last minute because I had pushed too hard initially, and I was at risk of launching one of those embarrassing runaway turds. And that is NOT supposed to be part of "The Whiff Test." Plus, it might have left a nasty stain in my underwear, although it would be hard to notice because all of my underwear has been pink ever since my mother gave me that red T-shirt 3 years ago for Christmas. (I guess it slipped into the laundry with my white clothes)
Anyway, back to the point: I let out this nasty, ass-burning fart under the covers, then I carefully watched my girlfriend for her response. At first, she just silently looked at me.
So I started to flap the covers in her direction a little, y'know, just to make sure that she understood exactly what was going on. Then suddenly, another huge fart ripped out from under the covers. It was even louder and smellier than the first one... and it WASN'T mine!
So it's safe to say that my girlfriend passed "The Whiff Test." And all I could say was,
"I love you, baby!"
There's a lot you can learn about your woman simply by breaking the wind in her presence. For example, some girls will complain about it. You DON'T want one of those women! They're likely to complain about many other things over the years, and they'll also try to suppress your natural bodily functions. I figure that if you can't fart in front of your woman, then you don't have an "honest" relationship. Save yourself a lot of trouble, and ditch her now!
(Yes ladies, it's true: MEN FART! In fact, when I was a Boy Scout, we used to have lots of fun with them. We had fireside farting contests, we'd light them on fire, etc. And it was loads of fun!)
There's also a large group of women who respond to "The Whiff Test" by remaining silent. Either they cannot smell it (unlikely), or they choose not to say anything about it (likely). Of course, this isn't a very "honest" way to handle a relationship, but it's also very refreshing to meet a woman who doesn't complain all the time. So I guess if you guys meet a girl like this, it's ok to keep her around.
It's probably worth mentioning that "The Whiff Test" that I gave my girlfriend included an especially pungent sample of my finest farting prowess. I was very careful with my dietary selection that day, and I made sure to eat plenty of vegetables (mostly cauliflower, broccoli and beans) because I wanted to be absolutely sure that she and I are compatible.
When the time finally came, she was in bed reading Cosmopolitan Magazine just like she does every night before going to sleep. I got into bed next to her, and exchanged some small talk while the final load of bowel pressure was building up inside me. When it was ready, I let it rip, baby!
At first, I thought that I might have pushed too hard, so I clamped my butt joint as hard as I could. My fart was momentarily caught in between my butt cheeks, and it came out with a beautiful ripping/flapping sound. (Back in the Boy Scouts, we referred to this as "music")
Of course, I had no choice but to clamp down on my butt joint at the last minute because I had pushed too hard initially, and I was at risk of launching one of those embarrassing runaway turds. And that is NOT supposed to be part of "The Whiff Test." Plus, it might have left a nasty stain in my underwear, although it would be hard to notice because all of my underwear has been pink ever since my mother gave me that red T-shirt 3 years ago for Christmas. (I guess it slipped into the laundry with my white clothes)
Anyway, back to the point: I let out this nasty, ass-burning fart under the covers, then I carefully watched my girlfriend for her response. At first, she just silently looked at me.
So I started to flap the covers in her direction a little, y'know, just to make sure that she understood exactly what was going on. Then suddenly, another huge fart ripped out from under the covers. It was even louder and smellier than the first one... and it WASN'T mine!
So it's safe to say that my girlfriend passed "The Whiff Test." And all I could say was,
"I love you, baby!"
Oct 2, 2016 16:12:56 #
Women have the same digestive system as males and do fart. Only around here they call them fluffies!
Oct 2, 2016 18:01:35 #
Ka2azman wrote:
Women have the same digestive system as males and do fart. Only around here they call them fluffies!
Nobody could drop the silent death bomb like my ex. It was instant death!
Oct 2, 2016 20:26:10 #
Oct 3, 2016 20:51:00 #
I had a girlfriend that would complain for just about anything, so whenever I had to break wind, I would step out of the room. One day though I caught (heard) her letting one go. Nice to have the goods on a woman that loves to complain. Needless to say, I eventually terminated that relationship.
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