WayneT Loc: Paris, TN

I was in the six item express lane at the store quietly fuming.
Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the
check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight
when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart
and asked sweetly, "So which six items would you like to buy?"

Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?
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Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in your
casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what
would you like them to say?"
Artie said, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine
spiritual leader, and a great family man."*

Eugene commented, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher
and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives.."



Al said, "I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!'"

------------------------------------------------

John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully, "Give me one last request,
dear," he said.
"Of course, John," his wife said softly.
"Six months after I die," John said, "I want you to marry Bob."
"But I thought you hated Bob," she said..

With his last breath John said, "I do!"
--------------------------------------


A man goes to see the Rabbi.

"Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I*  *have to talk to you about
it."
The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
The man replied, "My wife is going to poison me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's going to poison
me. What should I do?"
The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I
can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "I spoke to your wife on
the phone for three hours. You want my advice?
The man said, "Yes" and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison."

tramsey Loc: Texas

Thanks for the warning about it being a funny otherwise I probably would have had coffee all over he keyboard Great post

jaymatt Loc: Alexandria, Indiana

iDoc Loc: Knoxville,Tennessee

These are really funny. Thanks for posting.

stonecherub Loc: Tucson, AZ

Probably apocryphal story about Churchill's long feud with Lady Astor. At a dinner party one night she said, "Sir, if you were my husband, I would give you poison."

Churchill replied, "Madam, if I were your husband, I would take it!"

BBurns Loc: South Bay, California

A similar story about Churchill was his encounter with Bessie Braddock, who said to him,
"Winston, you are drunk, what’s more is that you are disgustingly drunk."

Winston quickly retorted,
"Bessie, my dear, you are ugly, what’s more, is that you are disgustingly ugly.
However, my dear, tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly."

CathyAnn Loc: Apache Junction, AZ

raymondh Loc: Walker, MI