The Gray-Haired Terrorist
Feb 15, 2016 16:16:21 #
The Gray-Haired Terrorist
Yesterday I wore my Vietnam Veterans cap when I went to Wal-Mart. There was nothing in particular that I needed at the world's largest retailer; but since I retired, trips to Wally World to look at the "Walmartians" is always good for some comic release. Besides I always feel pretty normal after seeing some of the people that frequent this establishment. But, I digress -- enough of my psychological fixations. While standing in line to check out, the guy in front of me, probably in his early thirties, asked, "Are you a Vietnam Vet?" "No," I replied.
"Then why are you wearing that cap?"
"Because I couldn't find the one from the War of 1812." I thought this was a snappy retort.
"The War of 1812, huh?" the "Walmartian" queried, "When was that?" God forgive me, but I couldn't pass up such an opportunity. "1936," I answered, as straight-faced as possible.
He pondered my response for a moment and then asked, "Why do they call it the War of 1812 if it was in 1936?" "It was a Black Operation. No one is supposed to know about it." This was beginning to be way too much fun!
"Dude! Really?" he exclaimed. "How did you get to do something that COOOOL?"
I glanced furtively around me for effect, leaned toward the guy, and in a low voice said. "I'm not sure. I was the only Caucasian on the mission."
"Dude," he was really getting excited about what he was hearing, "that is seriously awesome! But, didn't you kind of stand out?" "Not really. The other guys were all wearing white camouflage." The moron nodded knowingly.
"Listen man," I said in a very serious tone, "You can't tell anyone about this. It's still 'top secret' and I shouldn't have said anything."
"Oh yeah?" he gave me that, 'don't threaten me look.' "Like, what's gonna happen if I do?"
With a really hard look I said, "You have a family don't you? We wouldn't want anything to happen to them, would we?"
The guy gulped, left his basket where it was and fled through the door. By this time the lady behind me was about to have a heart attack, she was laughing so hard. I just grinned at her.
After checking out and going to the parking lot I saw the Dimwit leaning in a car window talking to a young woman. Upon catching sight of me he started pointing excitedly in my direction.
Giving him another 'deadly' serious look, I made the 'I see you' gesture. He turned kind of pale, jumped into the car and sped out of the parking lot in a flurry of dust.
What a great time I had! Tomorrow I'm going back with my Homeland Security cap. Then the next day I will go to the DMV so I can wear a Border Patrol hat, and see how long it takes to empty out the place. Whoever said retirement is boring just needs the right kind of cap!
Yesterday I wore my Vietnam Veterans cap when I went to Wal-Mart. There was nothing in particular that I needed at the world's largest retailer; but since I retired, trips to Wally World to look at the "Walmartians" is always good for some comic release. Besides I always feel pretty normal after seeing some of the people that frequent this establishment. But, I digress -- enough of my psychological fixations. While standing in line to check out, the guy in front of me, probably in his early thirties, asked, "Are you a Vietnam Vet?" "No," I replied.
"Then why are you wearing that cap?"
"Because I couldn't find the one from the War of 1812." I thought this was a snappy retort.
"The War of 1812, huh?" the "Walmartian" queried, "When was that?" God forgive me, but I couldn't pass up such an opportunity. "1936," I answered, as straight-faced as possible.
He pondered my response for a moment and then asked, "Why do they call it the War of 1812 if it was in 1936?" "It was a Black Operation. No one is supposed to know about it." This was beginning to be way too much fun!
"Dude! Really?" he exclaimed. "How did you get to do something that COOOOL?"
I glanced furtively around me for effect, leaned toward the guy, and in a low voice said. "I'm not sure. I was the only Caucasian on the mission."
"Dude," he was really getting excited about what he was hearing, "that is seriously awesome! But, didn't you kind of stand out?" "Not really. The other guys were all wearing white camouflage." The moron nodded knowingly.
"Listen man," I said in a very serious tone, "You can't tell anyone about this. It's still 'top secret' and I shouldn't have said anything."
"Oh yeah?" he gave me that, 'don't threaten me look.' "Like, what's gonna happen if I do?"
With a really hard look I said, "You have a family don't you? We wouldn't want anything to happen to them, would we?"
The guy gulped, left his basket where it was and fled through the door. By this time the lady behind me was about to have a heart attack, she was laughing so hard. I just grinned at her.
After checking out and going to the parking lot I saw the Dimwit leaning in a car window talking to a young woman. Upon catching sight of me he started pointing excitedly in my direction.
Giving him another 'deadly' serious look, I made the 'I see you' gesture. He turned kind of pale, jumped into the car and sped out of the parking lot in a flurry of dust.
What a great time I had! Tomorrow I'm going back with my Homeland Security cap. Then the next day I will go to the DMV so I can wear a Border Patrol hat, and see how long it takes to empty out the place. Whoever said retirement is boring just needs the right kind of cap!
Feb 15, 2016 17:23:53 #
Feb 15, 2016 20:33:40 #
Feb 15, 2016 20:34:16 #
It's just my opinion, dear mullumby, but this one's a thumbs-down for me. A shaggy dog story that assumes a person could really be that stupid. But do keep trying!😎
Feb 15, 2016 23:49:36 #
lev29 wrote:
It's just my opinion, dear mullumby, but this one's a thumbs-down for me. A shaggy dog story that assumes a person could really be that stupid. But do keep trying!😎
They walk amongst us.
Feb 16, 2016 00:03:30 #
lev29 wrote:
It's just my opinion, dear mullumby, but this one's a thumbs-down for me. A shaggy dog story that assumes a person could really be that stupid. But do keep trying!😎
As a scientist, lev, before pronouncing on this "shaggy dog story," I'd suggest you spend at least 40 hours observing and categorizing the shoppers in Wally World. We'll wait for your results.
Feb 16, 2016 00:43:57 #
SteveR wrote:
Ha-ha, Steve :D . I haven't encountered any greeters there recently. I visit a Walmart about once a month.As a scientist, lev, before pronouncing on this "shaggy dog story," I'd suggest you spend at least 40 hours observing and categorizing the shoppers in Wally World. We'll wait for your results.
Feb 16, 2016 01:00:20 #
lev29 wrote:
Ha-ha, Steve :D . I haven't encountered any greeters there recently. I visit a Walmart about once a month.
I was, though, talking about taking 40 hours of your time to actually scientifically observe the shoppers. A good 40 hours well spent!!
Feb 16, 2016 07:59:25 #
Hmmm.... Thinks the War of 1812 was in 1936.... But knows what the word "Caucasian" means?? Sounds suspicious.
Feb 16, 2016 08:38:47 #
JamesCurran wrote:
Hmmm.... Thinks the War of 1812 was in 1936.... But knows what the word "Caucasian" means?? Sounds suspicious.
Yuh think?
Feb 16, 2016 08:40:04 #
While watching the walmartians, some may be watching you as a walmartian.............you think????
Feb 16, 2016 08:43:25 #
Jack47 wrote:
While watching the walmartians, some may be watching you as a walmartian.............you think????
Sometimes I wonder if people think I'm more walmartian when I'm at my Lexus dealer. Egad....you've actually gotta dress up to go to the car dealer!!!
Feb 16, 2016 08:44:47 #
mullumby wrote:
"The War of 1812, huh?" the "Walmartian" queried, "When was that?"
I was at a lunch for senior citizens, and a woman said of her friend, "Lilly's going to be 90 in August." With a perfectly straight face, I asked, "How old is she now?" Without missing a beat, she replied, "She's 89." By then, I couldn't resist a broad smile, and she realized I was pulling her leg (not literally).
Feb 16, 2016 08:52:42 #
Feb 16, 2016 09:50:44 #
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