A few laughs for today
Apr 18, 2015 11:41:27 #
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard an admin girl talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach.
She said she had driven down in a convertible, but she '...didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving'.
They Walk Among Us!
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My sister has a life saving tool in her car, which is designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped.
She keeps it in the car trunk.
They Walk Among Us!
-------------------------------------------------
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office to report the loss.
The woman there smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and said I was in good hands.
'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived yet?'...
(I also work with professionals like this!)
They Walk Among Us!
------------------------------------------------
While working at a pizza parlour I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6.
He thought about this for some time then said 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.'
They Walk Among Us!
******************************************************
Dumb as a box of Rocks, (TRUE STORY):
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Nancy Pelosi happened to appear. Ms Pelosi took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.
'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'
'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track..'
'What sort of question?' asked Pelosi.
Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?''
Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history.'
Sadly, They walk among us!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Traffic Camera
A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding. So, just to be sure, he went around the block again to pass the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. Now he began to
think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed. He then tried it a fourth time with the exactly the same result. When he did it a fifth time, this time at a snail's pace he was laughing almost hysterically as the camera flashed....
Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt...
You can't fix stupid!!!
*****************************************************
The Irish Millionaire
Mick, from Dublin, appeared on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 euros.
"You've done very well so far," said Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter, "but for a million euros you've only got one life-line left, phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question. Will you go for it?"
"Sure," said Mick, "I'll have a go!"
"Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest?
a) Sparrow
b) Thrush,
c) Magpie,
d) Cuckoo?"
"I haven't got a clue," said Mick, ''So I'll use my last lifeline and phone my friend Paddy back home in Dublin..."
Mick called up his mate, and told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him.
"Hell, Mick!" cried Paddy, "Dat's simple, it's a cuckoo."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure."
Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, "I'll go with cuckoo as my answer."
"Is that your final answer?" asked Chris.
"Dat it is."
There was a long, long pause and then the presenter screamed, "Cuckoo is the correct answer! Mick, you've won 1 million euros!"
The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink.
"Tell me, Paddy? How in Heaven's name did you know it was da Cuckoo that doesn't build its own nest?"
"Because he lives in a f**kin' clock!"
She said she had driven down in a convertible, but she '...didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving'.
They Walk Among Us!
------------------------------------
My sister has a life saving tool in her car, which is designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped.
She keeps it in the car trunk.
They Walk Among Us!
-------------------------------------------------
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office to report the loss.
The woman there smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and said I was in good hands.
'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived yet?'...
(I also work with professionals like this!)
They Walk Among Us!
------------------------------------------------
While working at a pizza parlour I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6.
He thought about this for some time then said 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.'
They Walk Among Us!
******************************************************
Dumb as a box of Rocks, (TRUE STORY):
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Nancy Pelosi happened to appear. Ms Pelosi took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.
'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'
'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track..'
'What sort of question?' asked Pelosi.
Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?''
Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history.'
Sadly, They walk among us!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Traffic Camera
A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding. So, just to be sure, he went around the block again to pass the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. Now he began to
think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed. He then tried it a fourth time with the exactly the same result. When he did it a fifth time, this time at a snail's pace he was laughing almost hysterically as the camera flashed....
Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt...
You can't fix stupid!!!
*****************************************************
The Irish Millionaire
Mick, from Dublin, appeared on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 euros.
"You've done very well so far," said Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter, "but for a million euros you've only got one life-line left, phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question. Will you go for it?"
"Sure," said Mick, "I'll have a go!"
"Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest?
a) Sparrow
b) Thrush,
c) Magpie,
d) Cuckoo?"
"I haven't got a clue," said Mick, ''So I'll use my last lifeline and phone my friend Paddy back home in Dublin..."
Mick called up his mate, and told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him.
"Hell, Mick!" cried Paddy, "Dat's simple, it's a cuckoo."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure."
Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, "I'll go with cuckoo as my answer."
"Is that your final answer?" asked Chris.
"Dat it is."
There was a long, long pause and then the presenter screamed, "Cuckoo is the correct answer! Mick, you've won 1 million euros!"
The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink.
"Tell me, Paddy? How in Heaven's name did you know it was da Cuckoo that doesn't build its own nest?"
"Because he lives in a f**kin' clock!"
Apr 18, 2015 11:50:29 #
Apr 19, 2015 11:19:50 #
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