nairiam Loc: Bonnie Scotland

A Scotsman and a Jew spent an evening together eating and drinking. At the end the bill is presented. Waiter says "who's paying? Scotsman says "I'll pay.
Next days headlines read "Jewish ventriloquist found murdered."

DaveO Loc: Northeast CT

Very good!

SteveR Loc: Michigan

Hilarious!!!

bigalw Loc: Essex - UK

:mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :lol: :lol: :lol:

warrior Loc: Paso Robles CA

Is it true? " The Scots invented whiskey" ?

jack schade Loc: La Pine Oregon

Good one!
Jack

nairiam Loc: Bonnie Scotland

:thumbup: :thumbup:

nairiam Loc: Bonnie Scotland

:thumbup: :thumbup:

nairiam Loc: Bonnie Scotland

:thumbup: :thumbup:

nairiam Loc: Bonnie Scotland

:thumbup: :thumbup:

nairiam Loc: Bonnie Scotland

:thumbup: :thumbup:

nairiam Loc: Bonnie Scotland

Yes, we spell it as "Whisky".

WHA'S LIKE US

* The average Englishman in the home he calls his castle, slips into his national costume ~ a shabby raincoat ~ patented by chemist Charles Macintosh from Glasgow, Scotland.
* En route to his office he strides along the English lane, surfaced by John Macadam of Ayr, Scotland.
* He drives an English car fitted with tyres invented by John Boyd Dunlop of Dreghorn, Scotland.
At the office he receives the mail bearing adhesive stamps invented by John Chalmers of Dundee, Scotland.
* During the day he uses the telephone invented by Alexander Graham Bell, born in Edinburgh, Scotland.
* At home in the evening his daughter pedals her bicycle invented by Kirkpatrick Macmillan, Blacksmith of Dumfries, Scotland.
* He watches the news on T.V., an invention of John Logie Baird of Helensburgh, Scotland and hears an item about the U.S. Navy, founded by John Paul Jones of Kirkbean, Scotland.
* He has by now been reminded too much of Scotland and in desperation he picks up the Bible, only to find that the first man mentioned in the good book is a Scot ~ King James VI ~ who authorised its translation.
Nowhere can an Englishman turn to escape the ingenuity of the Scots.
* He could take to drink but the Scots make the best in the world.
* He could take a rifle and end it all but the breech~loading rifle was invented by Captain Patrick Ferguson of Pitfours, Scotland.
* If he escaped death, he could find himself on an operating table injected with penicillin, discovered by Alexander Fleming of Darvel, Scotland, and given an anaesthetic, discovered by Sir James Young Simpson of Bathgate, Scotland.
* Out of the anaesthetic he would find no comfort in learning that he was as safe as the Bank of England, founded by William Paterson of Dumfries, Scotland.
* Perhaps his only remaining hope would be to get a transfusion of guid Scottish blood which would entitle him to ask
* "WHA'S LIKE US"

phlash46 Loc: Westchester County, New York

Hilarious! I'm the product of my father, a Scotsman (lapsed Prebyter) and a German Jewish mother. You'll never learn thrift better!

My mother used to tell this story about when they were visiting my father's family in Edinburgh, way back when Velcro was first invented. She had a new Velcro closure purse and was purchasing something in a shop. When she went to pay for it the purse made that well known ripping sound when the Velcro was opened. The shopkeeper looked at it admiringly and said "aye, there's a proper purse, it screams when you try to open it!"

nairiam Loc: Bonnie Scotland

lol. Still true today!