LAKE FAKE, Florida
Sep 13, 2014 18:10:52 #
proteus1
Loc: NEVADA
A few years ago, my wife and I moved into a retirement development on
Florida 's southeast coast. We are living in the "Delray/
Boca/Boynton Golf, Spa, Bath and Tennis Club on Lake Fake-a-Hachee".
There are 3,000 lakes in Florida; only three are real.
Our biggest retirement concern was time management. What were we going
to do all day? No longer. Let me assure you, passing the time is not a
problem.
Our days are eaten up by simple, daily activities. Just getting out of
our car takes 15 minutes. Trying to find where we parked takes 20
minutes. It takes a half-hour in the check-out line in Wal-Mart, and 1
hour to return the item the next day.
Let me take you through a typical day: We get up at5:00 am, have a
quick breakfast and join the early morning Walk-and-Fart Club. There
are about 30 of us, and rain or shine, we walk around the streets, all
talking at once. Every development has some late risers who stay in
bed until 6:00 am. After a nimble walk, avoiding irate drivers out to
make us road kill, we go back home, shower and change for the next
activity.
My wife goes directly to the pool for her underwater Pilates class,
followed by gasping for breath and CPR. I put on my 'Ask me about my
Grandchildren' T-shirt, my plaid mid-calf shorts, my black socks and
sandals and go to the clubhouse lobby for a nice nap. Before we know
it, it's time for lunch.
We go to Costco to partake of the many tasty samples dispensed by
ladies in white hair nets. All free! After a filling lunch, if we
don't have any doctor appointments, we might go to the flea market to
see if any new white belts have come in or to buy a Rolex watch for
$2.00.
We're usually back home by 2:00 pm to get ready for dinner. People
start lining up for the early bird about 3:00 pm, but we get there by
3:45 because we're late eaters.
The dinners are very popular because of the large portions they serve.
We can take home enough food for the next day's lunch and dinner,
including extra bread, crackers, packets of mustard, relish, ketchup
and Splenda, along with mints.
At 5:30 pm we're home, ready to watch the 6 o'clocknews. By 6:30 pm
we're fast asleep. Then we get up and make five or six trips to the
bathroom during the night, and it's time to get up and start a new day
all over again.
Doctor-related activities eat up most of our retirement time. I enjoy
reading old magazines in sub-zero temperatures in the waiting room, so
I don't mind.
Calling for test results also helps the days fly by. It takes at least
a half-hour just getting through the doctor's phone menu. Then there's
the hold time until we're connected to the right party. Sometimes they
forget we're holding, and the whole office goes off to lunch.
Should we find we still have time on our hands, volunteering provides
a rewarding opportunity to help the less fortunate.
Florida has the largest concentration of seniors under five feet and
they need our help. I myself am a volunteer for 'The Vertically
Challenged Over 80.' I coach their basketball team, The Arthritic
Avengers. The hoop is only 4-1/2 feet from the floor. You should see
the look of confidence on their faces when they make a slam dunk.
Food shopping is a problem for short seniors, or 'bottom feeders' as
we call them, because they can't reach the items on the upper shelves.
There are many foods they've never tasted. After shopping, most
seniors can't remember where they parked their cars and wander the
parking lot for hours while their food defrosts.
Lastly, it's important to choose a development with an impressive
name. Italian names are very popular in Florida. They convey world
travelers, uppity sophistication and wealth. Where would you rather
live: Murray's Condos or the Lakes of Venice? There's no difference --
they're both owned by Murray, who happens to be a cheap bastard.
I hope this material has been of help to you future retirees. If I can
be of any further assistance, please look me up when
you're inFlorida. I live in the Leaning Condos of Pisa in Boynton Beach.
MEANING OF LIFE IN 13 WORDS "INSIDE EVERY OLDER PERSON IS A YOUNGER
PERSON WONDERING WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED"..........!!
Florida 's southeast coast. We are living in the "Delray/
Boca/Boynton Golf, Spa, Bath and Tennis Club on Lake Fake-a-Hachee".
There are 3,000 lakes in Florida; only three are real.
Our biggest retirement concern was time management. What were we going
to do all day? No longer. Let me assure you, passing the time is not a
problem.
Our days are eaten up by simple, daily activities. Just getting out of
our car takes 15 minutes. Trying to find where we parked takes 20
minutes. It takes a half-hour in the check-out line in Wal-Mart, and 1
hour to return the item the next day.
Let me take you through a typical day: We get up at5:00 am, have a
quick breakfast and join the early morning Walk-and-Fart Club. There
are about 30 of us, and rain or shine, we walk around the streets, all
talking at once. Every development has some late risers who stay in
bed until 6:00 am. After a nimble walk, avoiding irate drivers out to
make us road kill, we go back home, shower and change for the next
activity.
My wife goes directly to the pool for her underwater Pilates class,
followed by gasping for breath and CPR. I put on my 'Ask me about my
Grandchildren' T-shirt, my plaid mid-calf shorts, my black socks and
sandals and go to the clubhouse lobby for a nice nap. Before we know
it, it's time for lunch.
We go to Costco to partake of the many tasty samples dispensed by
ladies in white hair nets. All free! After a filling lunch, if we
don't have any doctor appointments, we might go to the flea market to
see if any new white belts have come in or to buy a Rolex watch for
$2.00.
We're usually back home by 2:00 pm to get ready for dinner. People
start lining up for the early bird about 3:00 pm, but we get there by
3:45 because we're late eaters.
The dinners are very popular because of the large portions they serve.
We can take home enough food for the next day's lunch and dinner,
including extra bread, crackers, packets of mustard, relish, ketchup
and Splenda, along with mints.
At 5:30 pm we're home, ready to watch the 6 o'clocknews. By 6:30 pm
we're fast asleep. Then we get up and make five or six trips to the
bathroom during the night, and it's time to get up and start a new day
all over again.
Doctor-related activities eat up most of our retirement time. I enjoy
reading old magazines in sub-zero temperatures in the waiting room, so
I don't mind.
Calling for test results also helps the days fly by. It takes at least
a half-hour just getting through the doctor's phone menu. Then there's
the hold time until we're connected to the right party. Sometimes they
forget we're holding, and the whole office goes off to lunch.
Should we find we still have time on our hands, volunteering provides
a rewarding opportunity to help the less fortunate.
Florida has the largest concentration of seniors under five feet and
they need our help. I myself am a volunteer for 'The Vertically
Challenged Over 80.' I coach their basketball team, The Arthritic
Avengers. The hoop is only 4-1/2 feet from the floor. You should see
the look of confidence on their faces when they make a slam dunk.
Food shopping is a problem for short seniors, or 'bottom feeders' as
we call them, because they can't reach the items on the upper shelves.
There are many foods they've never tasted. After shopping, most
seniors can't remember where they parked their cars and wander the
parking lot for hours while their food defrosts.
Lastly, it's important to choose a development with an impressive
name. Italian names are very popular in Florida. They convey world
travelers, uppity sophistication and wealth. Where would you rather
live: Murray's Condos or the Lakes of Venice? There's no difference --
they're both owned by Murray, who happens to be a cheap bastard.
I hope this material has been of help to you future retirees. If I can
be of any further assistance, please look me up when
you're inFlorida. I live in the Leaning Condos of Pisa in Boynton Beach.
MEANING OF LIFE IN 13 WORDS "INSIDE EVERY OLDER PERSON IS A YOUNGER
PERSON WONDERING WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED"..........!!
Sep 13, 2014 19:36:44 #
Sep 13, 2014 19:38:45 #
Bet FL has the biggest concentration of people above 6' too cuz most go home (as in the north) to be planted! :thumbup:
Sep 13, 2014 22:58:27 #
dljen wrote:
Bet FL has the biggest concentration of people above 6' too cuz most go home (as in the north) to be planted! :thumbup:
:?: :?: :?: :hunf:
Sep 14, 2014 13:31:20 #
[quote=proteus1]
Funny. Thanks for posting. It should be a law in Florida that you can't name the retirement home after the endagered species that you move out. Eagles Nest, White Egret, ect. David
Funny. Thanks for posting. It should be a law in Florida that you can't name the retirement home after the endagered species that you move out. Eagles Nest, White Egret, ect. David
Sep 14, 2014 13:55:46 #
Note to self:
Stay the hell away from Flori-duh.
Walk and fart club... :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
http://www.joe-ks.com/archives_mar2006/FloridaRetiredBikers.jpg
Stay the hell away from Flori-duh.
Walk and fart club... :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
http://www.joe-ks.com/archives_mar2006/FloridaRetiredBikers.jpg
Sep 14, 2014 21:05:21 #
I'm a neighbor of yours in Boynton Beach. Glad to know I fit the profile ... FYI, you forgot to mention that "Happy Hour" starts around 4:00 PM and, for lack of a better phrase, "it don't get no better than this".
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