New ATM Procedures: A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads: Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving...

sarge69 Loc: Ft Myers, FL

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, "MALE & FEMALE" procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.'
*******************************
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

*******************************

FEMALE PROCEDURE:
(What is really funny is that most of this part is the truth!!!!)

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of check book.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Re-dial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release parking brake.

Ladies - I only forward it, not make it up.

Sarge69

DaveO Loc: Northeast CT

Cute!

larrywilk Loc: Palm Harbor, FL

I often would use an ATM in a shopping center near my home. Frequently, an older Hispanic lady would be inside checking (I surmise) her balance repeatedly.

When she noticed me waiting, she would retrieve her card and exit to allow me access.

One day, after withdrawing a couple hundred dollars, I jumped up and down in celebration shouting "I won! I won!"

She almost knocked me down getting back to the machine!

papayanirvana Loc: Kauai

I'm sure the women and Hispanics on the board are really enjoying this clever post.

WTF is wrong with all you old white men?!?

larrywilk Loc: Palm Harbor, FL

papayanirvana wrote:

I'm sure the women and Hispanics on the board are really enjoying this clever post.

WTF is wrong with all you old white men?!?

Dude, why don't you take a laxative.

papayanirvana Loc: Kauai

hahaha...you so funneh

DaveO Loc: Northeast CT

larrywilk wrote:

Dude, why don't you take a laxative.

Pretty snappy comeback for someone so ignorant.

larrywilk Loc: Palm Harbor, FL

DaveO wrote:

Pretty snappy comeback for someone so ignorant.

I see the trolls are out.

DaveO Loc: Northeast CT

larrywilk wrote:

I see the trolls are out.

You've got your head so far up your posterior end that it's doubtful you can see anything. The only thing dumber is me for addressing you. You obviously see nothing wrong with your unexcusable behavior. When you didn't apologize or keep quiet, that pretty much said it all. The end.

larrywilk Loc: Palm Harbor, FL

DaveO wrote:

You've got your head so far up your posterior end that it's doubtful you can see anything. The only thing dumber is me for addressing you. You obviously see nothing wrong with your unexcusable behavior. When you didn't apologize or keep quiet, that pretty much said it all. The end.

Feel the love!

sarge69 Loc: Ft Myers, FL

papayanirvana wrote:

I'm sure the women and Hispanics on the board are really enjoying this clever post.

WTF is wrong with all you old white men?!?

Something missing with lots of others ----

SENSE OF HUMOR

Sarge69

larrywilk Loc: Palm Harbor, FL

sarge69 wrote:

Something missing with lots of others ----

SENSE OF HUMOR

Sarge69

Gee, Sarge, I was just fixin' to apologize and retell my experience in politically correct terms.

How about:

" I frequented an ATM of an undisclosed bank in a socially progressive democratic neighborhood where a gender neutral individual who is a citizen of an unspecified foreign country, speaking a vaguely familiar language..."

Hell, sounds funnier already.

sarge69 Loc: Ft Myers, FL

larrywilk wrote:

Gee, Sarge, I was just fixin' to apologize and retell my experience in politically correct terms.

How about:

" I frequented an ATM of an undisclosed bank in a socially progressive democratic neighborhood where a gender neutral individual who is a citizen of an unspecified foreign country, speaking a vaguely familiar language..."

Hell, sounds funnier already.

Hell No Larrywilk - I was stating there are SO MANY OTHERS without a sense of humor. Yours was great.

Sarge69

bemused_bystander Loc: Orkney Islands, UK

sarge69 wrote:

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads: br br Please... (show quote)

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:
Made me laugh!

oldmalky Loc: West Midlands,England.

papayanirvana wrote:

I'm sure the women and Hispanics on the board are really enjoying this clever post.

WTF is wrong with all you old white men?!?

I am an old white man and i have a sense of humour what is your excuse.

:thumbdown: :thumbdown: