rdemarco52 Loc: Wantagh, NY

Teachers & Cops: These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded (but, boy, are these funny!)
1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this student to breed.

3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.

4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. (my favorite...)

5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

7. This child has been working with glue too much.

8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.

9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming..

10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.

12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.

These are actual comments made by 16 Police Officers. The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:

1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?" (MY FAVORITE)

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center )

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS....

16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't...Sign here."

lamiaceae Loc: San Luis Obispo County, CA

dancers Loc: melbourne.victoria, australia

great fun!!!

Earnest Botello Loc: Hockley, Texas

Good ones all.

cochese

When I was a teenager I was pulled over for speeding, with a car full of teenagers. Thee NY State Trooper came to the window and asked if I knew why he pulled me over. Being a smart alleck I responded "to give me tickets to the policemans ball?"... To which that tropper replied "son troopers don't have balls that I know of". The eruption of laughter from inside my car was immediate and huge. It took the trooper a second to figure out the cause, but once he did he simply turned without a word, got in his cruiser and drove away.

Tom337

LOL!

jerryc41 Loc: Catskill Mts of NY

I find it hard to believe that teachers would make comments like those to parents - at least not in recent decades.

I don't get #16. He says, We don't," but then he makes here "sign here."

biry

Jerry, think Pretty. Now days if a teacher wrote something like these it would be all over the internet and the politically correct folks would go even nuttier.
Bill

sbohne

About 20 yrs ago, I was in the barbershop. It was operated by a guy who was my neighbor growing up. Being close to the state police post, a lot of troopers got their haircut there. Dick (the barber) asked the trooper if anything was new.

He replied, "I stopped a woman for speeding. I walked up to her car and asked, 'Where's the fire, lady?"

She answered, "It's in my pants, smartass...do you have a long enough hose to put it out?"

Dick said, "What did you say?"

The trooper replied, "Not a damn thing. I was so embarrassed I couldn't say a word. I went back to my car and left!"

DragonsLady Loc: Los Alamos, NM

That last one hurts!

Blair Shaw Jr Loc: Dunnellon,Florida

FABULOUS......these are really funny

David in Dallas Loc: Dallas, Texas, USA

Cop #6: I probably would answer that I don't know how fast I was going. The speedometer in my Mustang works OK but it's set back so far in the dash that in daytime I can't read it at all. I gauge my speed by what the other cars around me are doing and how the engine sounds. So far it has worked.

markngolf Loc: Bridgewater, NJ

I find it very difficult believing those are actual written comments by teachers in NYC. What is your source?
Thanks,
Mark

PhotogHobbyist Loc: Bradford, PA

I worked with a guy who claimed to have been pulled over for something by a cop in a car with one headlight out. When the cop got to the car the driver said, "The reason I stopped you is because your headlight is out." The cop didn't say a word, just turned around and went back to his patrol car.

PAR4DCR Loc: A Sunny Place

All good ones

Don