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Red States and Blue States
Nov 14, 2012 23:33:39   #
Richard94611 Loc: Oakland, CA
 
Dear Red States:

We're ticked off at your Neanderthal attitudes and politics and we've decided we're leaving.

We in New York intend to form our own country and we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and the rest of the Northeast.

We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially to the people of the new country of The Enlightened States of America (E.S.A).

To sum up briefly:

You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.

We get stem cell research and the best beaches.

We get Andrew Cuomo and Elizabeth Warren. You get Bobby Jindal and Todd Akin.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard. You get Ol' Miss.

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.

You get Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the US low sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

We're taking the good weed too. You can have that crap they grow in Mexico.

Sincerely,

Citizen of the Enlightened States of America

Reply
Nov 15, 2012 01:10:09   #
globetrekker Loc: Bend, OR
 
Haaa, frickinÂ’ HI-larious! But you forgot to mention that we get most of the best craft brew as well. ;-]

Reminds me of this old post, which still stands the test of time, and has much more, shall we say, ATTITUDE, than your firm but polite post:

http://tinyurl.com/3mmbx

Reply
Nov 15, 2012 01:49:12   #
Richard94611 Loc: Oakland, CA
 
Great site, great post.



globetrekker wrote:
Haaa, frickinÂ’ HI-larious! But you forgot to mention that we get most of the best craft brew as well. ;-]

Reminds me of this old post, which still stands the test of time, and has much more, shall we say, ATTITUDE, than your firm but polite post:

http://tinyurl.com/3mmbx

Reply
 
 
Nov 15, 2012 03:12:01   #
Danilo Loc: Las Vegas
 
Your sure getting some mileage out of this retread thread, aren't you?

Reply
Nov 15, 2012 09:19:18   #
Richard94611 Loc: Oakland, CA
 
Doesn't seem like a lot of mileage to me, but it IS a lot of laughs.



Danilo wrote:
Your sure getting some mileage out of this retread thread, aren't you?

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