>>> The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless.
>>> Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road is paved with flat squirrels who couldn't make a decision.
>>> Happiness is not having to set the alarm clock.
>>> When I get a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.
>>> Just once, I want the prompt for username and password to say, "Close enough."
>>> Becoming an adult is the dumbest thing I've ever done.
>>> "Your call is important to us. Please enjoy this 40-minute flute solo".
>>> Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags, or is it just me?
>>> I hate it when I can't figure out how to operate the iPad and my tech support guy is asleep. He's 5 and it's past his bedtime.
>>> Today's 3-year-olds can switch on laptops and open their favorite apps. When I was 3, I ate mud.
>>> Tip for a successful marriage: Don't ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she's mowing the lawn.
>>> So, you drive across town to a gym to walk on a treadmill?
>>> Old age is coming at a really bad time.
>>> If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've put them on my knees.
>>> Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.
Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
>>> Now, I'm wondering . . . did I send this to you, did you send it to me or have I only sent one copy?
>>> The Commandments for Seniors......
>>> You don't need anger management. You need people to stop pissing you off.
>>> Your people skills are just fine. It's your tolerance for idiots that needs work.
>>> "On time" is when you get there.
>>> Even duct tape can't fix stupid – but it sure does muffle the sound.
>>> It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free...and three sizes smaller.
>>> Lately you've noticed people your age are so much older than you.
>>> "One for the road" means peeing before you leave the house.
>>> HAPPY NEW YEAR.
We have an indecisive biking buddy who we give a hard time. We joke that, “Some day Henry will decide to make a decision “.
What’s scary is a lot of them are true!!
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