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A few fun Quotes
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Apr 1, 2021 17:03:40   #
Brucej67 Loc: Cary, NC
 
~Don’t be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you. Your vacuum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for years.

~If you can’t think of a word say “I forgot the English word for it.” That way people will think you’re bilingual instead of an idiot.

~I’m at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.

~I don’t always go the extra mile, but when I do it’s because I missed my exit.

~At what point can we just start using 2020 as profanity? As in: “That’s a load of 2020.” or “What is the 2020.” or “abso-2020-lutely.”

~My goal for 2020 was to lose 10 pounds. I still have have 14 to go.

~Ate salad for dinner. Mostly croutons and tomatoes. Really just one big round crouton covered with tomato sauce, and cheese. FINE, it was a pizza.... OK, I ate a pizza! Are you happy now?

~I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.

~I don't mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food supply in 3 hours and 20 minutes.

~A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.

~Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.

~Senility has been a smooth transition for me.

~Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below freezing outside they closed school? Yeah, Me neither.

~I may not be that funny or athletic or good-looking or smart or talented. .... being I forgot where I was going with this.

~I love being 80, I learn something new every day and forget 5 other things.

~A thief broke into my place last night. He started searching for money so I got up and searched with him.

~I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.

~Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.

~Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house.

~It’s weird being the same age as old people.

~When I was a kid I wanted to be older…this is not what I expected.

~It’s probably my age that tricks people into thinking I’m an adult.

~Never sing in the shower! Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So remember…Don’t sing!

~I see people about my age mountain climbing; I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.

~So if a cow doesn’t produce milk, is it a milk dud or an udder failure?

~I’m at that age where my mind still thinks I’m 29, my humor suggests I’m 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I’m sure I’m not dead yet.

~You don’t realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up.

~We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

~Coronacoaster: noun; the ups and downs of a pandemic. One day you’re loving your bubble, doing workouts, baking banana bread, and going for long walks and the next you’re crying, drinking gin for breakfast, and missing people you didn’t even like.

Reply
Apr 1, 2021 17:11:22   #
Bob Mevis Loc: Plymouth, Indiana
 
Those are excellent.

Reply
Apr 1, 2021 17:49:44   #
CWGordon
 
Those sayings are great, but how do you expect an old guy like me to remember them well enough to actually use them?

Reply
 
 
Apr 1, 2021 17:58:12   #
JRiepe Loc: Southern Illinois
 
😆😆

Reply
Apr 1, 2021 19:14:16   #
NMGal Loc: NE NM
 
Growing old is not all it’s cracked up to be.

Reply
Apr 2, 2021 00:24:00   #
couch coyote Loc: northern Illinois
 
Some new ones here, and they're all funny! Thanks!

Reply
Apr 2, 2021 06:54:45   #
junglejim1949 Loc: Sacramento,CA
 
Brucej67 wrote:
~Don’t be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you. Your vacuum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for years.

~If you can’t think of a word say “I forgot the English word for it.” That way people will think you’re bilingual instead of an idiot.

~I’m at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.

~I don’t always go the extra mile, but when I do it’s because I missed my exit.

~At what point can we just start using 2020 as profanity? As in: “That’s a load of 2020.” or “What is the 2020.” or “abso-2020-lutely.”

~My goal for 2020 was to lose 10 pounds. I still have have 14 to go.

~Ate salad for dinner. Mostly croutons and tomatoes. Really just one big round crouton covered with tomato sauce, and cheese. FINE, it was a pizza.... OK, I ate a pizza! Are you happy now?

~I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.

~I don't mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food supply in 3 hours and 20 minutes.

~A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.

~Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.

~Senility has been a smooth transition for me.

~Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below freezing outside they closed school? Yeah, Me neither.

~I may not be that funny or athletic or good-looking or smart or talented. .... being I forgot where I was going with this.

~I love being 80, I learn something new every day and forget 5 other things.

~A thief broke into my place last night. He started searching for money so I got up and searched with him.

~I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.

~Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.

~Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house.

~It’s weird being the same age as old people.

~When I was a kid I wanted to be older…this is not what I expected.

~It’s probably my age that tricks people into thinking I’m an adult.

~Never sing in the shower! Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So remember…Don’t sing!

~I see people about my age mountain climbing; I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.

~So if a cow doesn’t produce milk, is it a milk dud or an udder failure?

~I’m at that age where my mind still thinks I’m 29, my humor suggests I’m 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I’m sure I’m not dead yet.

~You don’t realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up.

~We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

~Coronacoaster: noun; the ups and downs of a pandemic. One day you’re loving your bubble, doing workouts, baking banana bread, and going for long walks and the next you’re crying, drinking gin for breakfast, and missing people you didn’t even like.
~Don’t be worried about your smartphone or TV spyi... (show quote)


Thanks for the laughs

Reply
 
 
Apr 2, 2021 07:29:01   #
DAN Phillips Loc: Graysville, GA
 
Old age is not for sissy's!

Reply
Apr 2, 2021 07:44:55   #
Ava'sPapa Loc: Cheshire, Ct.
 
Thanks Bruce. These give me a lot of material for our family "Easter" dinner Sunday. Lots of new ones.

Reply
Apr 2, 2021 08:40:26   #
yssirk123 Loc: New Jersey
 

Reply
Apr 2, 2021 08:55:17   #
Jimmy T Loc: Virginia
 
Unfortunately, I relate to a bunch of these. . . sigh. . .
Thanks for the
Smile,
JimmyT Sends

Reply
 
 
Apr 2, 2021 08:58:18   #
badapple Loc: Twin Lake, Michigan
 
I was going to make a comment but I forgot the English word for it 😃.

Reply
Apr 2, 2021 09:07:45   #
lxu532 Loc: Cherry Hill, NJ
 
Haha! Thanks for the laughs.

Reply
Apr 2, 2021 11:29:52   #
Bushpilot Loc: Minnesota
 
Those are all good, and most of them apply to me!

Reply
Apr 2, 2021 12:44:26   #
raymondh Loc: Walker, MI
 

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