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You might get a chuckle.....Graham
May 27, 2020 17:08:57   #
Graham Thirkill Loc: Idylic North Yorkshire, England UK.
 
Once again The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.

The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, olive-flavoured mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.), emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

The winners are:
-Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

-Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

-Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

-Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

-Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

- Karmageddon (n): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these Really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

- Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

- Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

- Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:

- Ignoranus (n): A person who is both stupid and an asshole.

Cheers and Beers\Graham/

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May 27, 2020 17:17:50   #
twowindsbear
 
Oxymoron - One who thinks it's OK to use Oxy for fun.

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May 27, 2020 17:25:30   #
tramsey Loc: Texas
 
I like Ignoranus. I recognize quite a few right here on this forum, no I'm not talking about your or me but a quite a few others

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May 27, 2020 19:05:42   #
twowindsbear
 
tramsey wrote:
I like Ignoranus. I recognize quite a few right here on this forum, no I'm not talking about your or me but a quite a few others



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May 28, 2020 08:00:31   #
jaymatt Loc: Alexandria, Indiana
 
Having been an English teacher, I really appreciated reading these.

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May 28, 2020 10:41:05   #
couch coyote Loc: northern Illinois
 
Ahhh, the English major in me finds these wonderfully satisfying! They'll keep me amused for days. Thanks!

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