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Doctors are People Too
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Aug 13, 2019 19:59:32   #
Blaster34 Loc: Florida Treasure Coast
 
From a friend, some of these are just too funny, hope you enjoy as much as I did....If you've heard them before, I apologize but go ahead and laugh again and if offended, oh well...


A man comes into the ER and yells 'My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.'
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco


At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.

'Big breaths,’ I instructed....'Yes, they used to be,’ Replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA


One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct....Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the
rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg


During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor,that he was having trouble with one of his medications.

'Which one?’ I asked....'The patch.'

'The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm
running out of places to put it!'....I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see.

Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!

Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before
applying a new one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA


While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,'H ow long have you been bedridden?'

After a look of complete confusion she answered, ' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR


A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered.

It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.

When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff
noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a Tattoo that read . . .' Keep off the grass.'

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on
the patient's dressing.....Which said, 'Sorry . . . Had to mow the lawn.'

Submitted by RN no name,


As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams...To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of
whistling softly.

The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly
burst out laughing, further embarrassing me....I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, ' I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?'

She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard ' No doctor but the song you were whistling was, ' I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.'

Dr. Wouldn't submit his name….


A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.

The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed....'Breast-fed,' she replied.

'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.'

'I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came.'

Reply
Aug 13, 2019 20:30:00   #
TriX Loc: Raleigh, NC
 
My wife, a retired RN, enjoyed these immensely. Thanks for posting!

Reply
Aug 13, 2019 20:43:12   #
Blaster34 Loc: Florida Treasure Coast
 
TriX wrote:
My wife, a retired RN, enjoyed these immensely. Thanks for posting!



Reply
 
 
Aug 13, 2019 20:45:41   #
Bluefish Loc: Berks County, PA
 
My wife thinks I’m nuts, sitting out here laughing non stop. Thanks for the uplift.

Reply
Aug 13, 2019 20:52:09   #
Blaster34 Loc: Florida Treasure Coast
 
Bluefish wrote:
My wife thinks I’m nuts, sitting out here laughing non stop. Thanks for the uplift.


Feel the same, glad you enjoyed the humor....

Reply
Aug 13, 2019 21:38:06   #
NMGal Loc: NE NM
 
Thoroughly enjoyed these. Still laughing.

Reply
Aug 13, 2019 21:46:47   #
Blaster34 Loc: Florida Treasure Coast
 
NMGal wrote:
Thoroughly enjoyed these. Still laughing.


...its fun to laugh, glad you enjoyed them NMGal

Reply
 
 
Aug 14, 2019 03:25:16   #
bellgamin Loc: Ewa Beach, Hawaii
 
On a scale of 1=boring & 10=funniest, the one about grandma & the baby was a 12.

Reply
Aug 14, 2019 06:01:10   #
Blaster34 Loc: Florida Treasure Coast
 
bellgamin wrote:
On a scale of 1=boring & 10=funniest, the one about grandma & the baby was a 12.



Reply
Aug 14, 2019 06:47:58   #
jerryc41 Loc: Catskill Mts of NY
 
Very funny

Reply
Aug 14, 2019 07:04:11   #
Blaster34 Loc: Florida Treasure Coast
 
jerryc41 wrote:
Very funny


Since my daughter and her husband are doctors, wife & I get a kick out of medical jokes....yes these are funny...

Reply
 
 
Aug 14, 2019 07:36:00   #
rmalarz Loc: Tempe, Arizona
 
These are classics.
--Bob
Blaster34 wrote:
From a friend, some of these are just too funny, hope you enjoy as much as I did....If you've heard them before, I apologize but go ahead and laugh again and if offended, oh well...


A man comes into the ER and yells 'My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.'
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco


At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.

'Big breaths,’ I instructed....'Yes, they used to be,’ Replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA


One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct....Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the
rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg


During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor,that he was having trouble with one of his medications.

'Which one?’ I asked....'The patch.'

'The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm
running out of places to put it!'....I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see.

Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!

Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before
applying a new one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA


While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,'H ow long have you been bedridden?'

After a look of complete confusion she answered, ' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR


A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered.

It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.

When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff
noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a Tattoo that read . . .' Keep off the grass.'

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on
the patient's dressing.....Which said, 'Sorry . . . Had to mow the lawn.'

Submitted by RN no name,


As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams...To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of
whistling softly.

The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly
burst out laughing, further embarrassing me....I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, ' I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?'

She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard ' No doctor but the song you were whistling was, ' I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.'

Dr. Wouldn't submit his name….


A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.

The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed....'Breast-fed,' she replied.

'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.'

'I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came.'
From a friend, some of these are just too funny, h... (show quote)

Reply
Aug 14, 2019 08:28:01   #
Blaster34 Loc: Florida Treasure Coast
 
rmalarz wrote:
These are classics.
--Bob


Thanks Bob, laughing so hard I had to share...

Reply
Aug 14, 2019 09:11:59   #
SkyKing Loc: Thompson Ridge, NY
 
Thanks...great laughs...!

Reply
Aug 14, 2019 09:19:52   #
Dossile
 
Thanks. I hope you don’t mind. I copied these to use in future medical talks. They got far more than a chuckle.

Reply
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