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Pun intended...
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Mar 28, 2019 14:13:29   #
Anhanga Brasil Loc: Cabo Frio - Brazil
 
I think it is an old stuff that's been circulating on the web, but... please, do not kill the mess-enger.

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'I'll serve you, but don't start anything.'

3 Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: 'A beer please, and one for the road.'

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: 'Does this taste funny to you?'

7. 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.' 'That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.' 'Is it common?' Well, 'It's Not Unusual.'

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.' 'I don't believe you,' says Dolly. 'It's true; no bull!' exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!' The doctor replied, 'I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!'

13. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse. 'But why,' they asked, as they moved off. 'Because,' he said, 'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'

18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt , and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) ..... A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

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Mar 28, 2019 15:23:42   #
Linary Loc: UK
 
Anhanga Brasil wrote:
I think it is an old stuff that's been circulating on the web, but... please, do not kill the mess-enger.

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'I'll serve you, but don't start anything.'

3 Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: 'A beer please, and one for the road.'

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: 'Does this taste funny to you?'

7. 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.' 'That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.' 'Is it common?' Well, 'It's Not Unusual.'

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.' 'I don't believe you,' says Dolly. 'It's true; no bull!' exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!' The doctor replied, 'I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!'

13. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse. 'But why,' they asked, as they moved off. 'Because,' he said, 'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'

18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt , and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) ..... A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
I think it is an old stuff that's been circulating... (show quote)


The most appropriate is number 10

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Mar 28, 2019 17:08:54   #
Shellback Loc: North of Cheyenne Bottoms Wetlands - Kansas
 
LOL - - - All I can say to that is:



Reply
 
 
Mar 29, 2019 07:16:47   #
Stlawrence
 
Made my morning.

Thanks for the chuckles.

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Mar 29, 2019 07:44:51   #
jaymatt Loc: Alexandria, Indiana
 
Groan!

Reply
Mar 29, 2019 10:17:20   #
Bullittjon Loc: Minnesota
 
Very punny. But I did laugh the most at #6. Thanks for sharing!

Reply
Mar 29, 2019 11:31:39   #
amyinsparta Loc: White county, TN
 
Too funny! Love them all, 18 &19 my favs.

Reply
 
 
Mar 29, 2019 14:04:41   #
gilpog
 
Same here!

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Mar 29, 2019 14:53:48   #
Anhanga Brasil Loc: Cabo Frio - Brazil
 
Linary wrote:
The most appropriate is number 10



Reply
Mar 29, 2019 14:54:23   #
Anhanga Brasil Loc: Cabo Frio - Brazil
 
Shellback wrote:
LOL - - - All I can say to that is:


You too.

Reply
Mar 29, 2019 14:55:59   #
Anhanga Brasil Loc: Cabo Frio - Brazil
 
Stlawrence wrote:
Made my morning.

Thanks for the chuckles.


As an old comedian used to say, "There are no old jokes, that are old people
who know the joke". Cheers.

Edited.

Reply
 
 
Mar 29, 2019 14:56:40   #
Anhanga Brasil Loc: Cabo Frio - Brazil
 
jaymatt wrote:
Groan!



Reply
Mar 29, 2019 14:57:32   #
Anhanga Brasil Loc: Cabo Frio - Brazil
 
Bullittjon wrote:
Very punny. But I did laugh the most at #6. Thanks for sharing!


You're welcome. My pleasure.

Reply
Mar 29, 2019 14:58:22   #
Anhanga Brasil Loc: Cabo Frio - Brazil
 
Bullittjon wrote:
Very punny. But I did laugh the most at #6. Thanks for sharing!


Yes, number six is good. Thanks for watching.

Reply
Mar 29, 2019 14:59:56   #
Anhanga Brasil Loc: Cabo Frio - Brazil
 
amyinsparta wrote:
Too funny! Love them all, 18 &19 my favs.


Indeed. Number 19 is only for those who saw Mary Poppins at least 3 times in
a given year.

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