Gambler joke
Mar 13, 2019 11:30:25 #
Old dude gets a letter from the I.R.S. They have discovered something fishy and want him to come in and explain on a certain date. Dude thinks, I better bring a lawyer. Appointed day comes up, and he shows up with lawyer in the auditor's office.
Auditor: "Mr. Jones, we've noticed some irregular large deposits to your bank account. Could you please explain just what's going on?"
"Oh, is that all? Easy. You see, I'm a gambler."
"A gambler?"
"I'll explain. I'll bet you a thousand bucks that I can bite my own eyeball."
"A thousand bucks?" Looks at the old man. Must be senile. "You're on."
Dude removes his glass eye and carefully bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
Mr. Jones continues, "Now hold on, hold on, I'll give you a chance to break even: I'll bet you 2 thousand that I can bite my other eye."
Auditor carefully studies the old man. No seeing eye dog. No white cane. No assistance from his lawyer getting into the office. "Well, I'd like to see that. You're on."
Jones takes out his false teeth and bites his other eye. Auditor is crestfallen.
Jones: "Now hold on, hold on. I'll give you one more chance: i believe I can pee across your desk and into that trashcan without one drop touching the desk. I'll bet you 6 thousand dollars. I feel like I can do it." Auditor thinks about it. Looks at the feeble old dude. There's no way. He IS senile. "You're on, old man!"
Jones stands up. Unzips. Proceeds to pee all over the desk. Some papers flying. The rest soaked. The auditor throws up his hands and woops and spins around dancing. Then he notices that the lawyer is bent over and has his face in his hands. "What's the matter with you?"
Lawyer: "On the way over here, he bet me $150,000 that he would pee on your desk and you'd be happy about it."
Auditor: "Mr. Jones, we've noticed some irregular large deposits to your bank account. Could you please explain just what's going on?"
"Oh, is that all? Easy. You see, I'm a gambler."
"A gambler?"
"I'll explain. I'll bet you a thousand bucks that I can bite my own eyeball."
"A thousand bucks?" Looks at the old man. Must be senile. "You're on."
Dude removes his glass eye and carefully bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
Mr. Jones continues, "Now hold on, hold on, I'll give you a chance to break even: I'll bet you 2 thousand that I can bite my other eye."
Auditor carefully studies the old man. No seeing eye dog. No white cane. No assistance from his lawyer getting into the office. "Well, I'd like to see that. You're on."
Jones takes out his false teeth and bites his other eye. Auditor is crestfallen.
Jones: "Now hold on, hold on. I'll give you one more chance: i believe I can pee across your desk and into that trashcan without one drop touching the desk. I'll bet you 6 thousand dollars. I feel like I can do it." Auditor thinks about it. Looks at the feeble old dude. There's no way. He IS senile. "You're on, old man!"
Jones stands up. Unzips. Proceeds to pee all over the desk. Some papers flying. The rest soaked. The auditor throws up his hands and woops and spins around dancing. Then he notices that the lawyer is bent over and has his face in his hands. "What's the matter with you?"
Lawyer: "On the way over here, he bet me $150,000 that he would pee on your desk and you'd be happy about it."
Mar 13, 2019 11:50:30 #
Mar 14, 2019 05:57:36 #
Althefarmer wrote:
Old dude gets a letter from the I.R.S. They have d... (show quote)
I have over the years heard many versions of this joke, but this one is the best so far.
Mar 14, 2019 07:14:05 #
Mar 14, 2019 14:11:02 #
Mar 15, 2019 03:38:16 #
Mar 15, 2019 14:51:03 #
Mar 15, 2019 16:56:16 #
Mark Sturtevant wrote:
😄 This is why I come here.
And that is why I post the ones that make me LOL
Mar 25, 2019 09:54:51 #
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