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Planning for retirement: a starter list
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Feb 4, 2019 23:37:15   #
John_F Loc: Minneapolis, MN
 
You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where
1. You are willing to park three blocks away from your house because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your rear-end from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for four hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door at 500 degrees.
6. The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??

OR

You can retire to California where...
1. You make over $450,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
5. The four seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud and Drought.

OR

You can retire to New York City where..
1 You say, "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn. (IF you have a car.)
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

OR

You can retire to Minnesota where...
1. You only have three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.
2. Halloween costumes must fit over parkas.
3. You have seventeen recipes for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair.
6. The highest level of criticism is "He is different,”” She is different," or "It was different!"

OR

You can retire to The Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2 ”Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has two first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either: "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder.”
6. You can say anything about anyone, as long as you say, "Bless his heart” at the end!

OR

You can move to Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

OR

You can retire to Nebraska or Kansas where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition; "Where's my coat at?"

OR

FINALLY, you can retire to Florida where...
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind - even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

Reply
Feb 4, 2019 23:44:08   #
Vietnam Vet
 
Nice!

Reply
Feb 5, 2019 00:27:50   #
Swede Loc: Trail, BC Canada
 
Very good

Swede

Reply
 
 
Feb 5, 2019 01:25:31   #
robertjerl Loc: Corona, California
 
All right!

By the way I am from the South and Y'all is plural since it is a contraction of You All - all Y'all would only be for a very large group.

In my part of Kentucky the singular would be "Yah" or just "Ya" as in Are Yah listnin?"

Reply
Feb 5, 2019 02:07:42   #
DaveYoung
 
Y'all can be used when speaking to only one person in specific cases. For instance, you run into a friend and want to invite her to visit, you would just say "Come see me tonight". If you said "y'all come see me", that would mean that you are inviting her and all her family. The use of the word is only understood by those who were born here. The use of "over yonder, in yonder, out yonder" etc has been part of the king's English for many centuries. Again, it makes perfect sense in an area where a major portion of the population is of Irish, Scot, and English ancestry. The richness of our language and our heritage, no matter where we live, is a beautiful thing that I hope will survive for another century or so. We can poke fun of the way our neighbors speak as long as it is in good nature and not with an air of superiority. It would be so dull if we lost our individuality and everyone sounded the same.

Reply
Feb 5, 2019 02:15:45   #
rmorrison1116 Loc: Near Valley Forge, Pennsylvania
 
I liked Phoenix, it brought back memories and made me laugh.
Many years ago I was visiting a cousin who lived in Scottsdale. It was late September and I drove a Mazda RX7 at the time. We were prepping for a road trip one morning and I had to go out to the car to retrieve a small cooler. When I turned the key to open the rear hatch there was a Pfffffff sound of escaping compressed hot air. When I reached in and grabbed the cooler, the plastic was actually soft. And I was parked under some scrawny trees a few blocks from my cousins apartment. After that I moved the car to outside his building and left the drivers window open just a bit. Shade didn't appear to matter any more.

Reply
Feb 5, 2019 07:21:59   #
Longshadow Loc: Audubon, PA, United States
 
rmorrison1116 wrote:
I liked Phoenix, it brought back memories and made me laugh.
Many years ago I was visiting a cousin who lived in Scottsdale. It was late September and I drove a Mazda RX7 at the time. We were prepping for a road trip one morning and I had to go out to the car to retrieve a small cooler. When I turned the key to open the rear hatch there was a Pfffffff sound of escaping compressed hot air. When I reached in and grabbed the cooler, the plastic was actually soft. And I was parked under some scrawny trees a few blocks from my cousins apartment. After that I moved the car to outside his building and left the drivers window open just a bit. Shade didn't appear to matter any more.
I liked Phoenix, it brought back memories and made... (show quote)

The Pfffffff sound was probably the door gaskets screaming (Cars aren't airtight.)
Have you tried baking biscuits or cookies on the dash?

Reply
 
 
Feb 5, 2019 07:57:39   #
bobmcculloch Loc: NYC, NY
 
John_F wrote:
You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where
1. You are willing to park three blocks away from your house because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your rear-end from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for four hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door at 500 degrees.
6. The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??

OR

You can retire to California where...
1. You make over $450,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
5. The four seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud and Drought.

OR

You can retire to New York City where..
1 You say, "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn. (IF you have a car.)
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

OR

You can retire to Minnesota where...
1. You only have three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.
2. Halloween costumes must fit over parkas.
3. You have seventeen recipes for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair.
6. The highest level of criticism is "He is different,”” She is different," or "It was different!"

OR

You can retire to The Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2 ”Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has two first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either: "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder.”
6. You can say anything about anyone, as long as you say, "Bless his heart” at the end!

OR

You can move to Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

OR

You can retire to Nebraska or Kansas where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition; "Where's my coat at?"

OR

FINALLY, you can retire to Florida where...
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind - even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where br 1. Yo... (show quote)


I think I'll take the NYC option,

Reply
Feb 5, 2019 08:32:11   #
dpfoto Loc: Cape Coral, FL
 
I chose Florida, and have no plans to change.

Reply
Feb 5, 2019 08:46:52   #
CPR Loc: Nature Coast of Florida
 
We chose Florida and never looked back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply
Feb 5, 2019 08:52:51   #
issa2006.
 
In NC when you say" Ya'll come see us" don't ask for a specific date and time because they are just saying "Goodbye"

Reply
 
 
Feb 5, 2019 08:54:56   #
bobmcculloch Loc: NYC, NY
 
Been to Florida a couple of times, Too hot in April, August is a broiler, I might visit in February or March but I'll wait for state wide AC before I voluntarily visit in the summer! Just my opinion,

Reply
Feb 5, 2019 08:58:25   #
Longshadow Loc: Audubon, PA, United States
 
I lived in Florida for 27 years. I got tired of the sweltering heat 10 months out of the year, missed the four seasons, moved back to PA.

Reply
Feb 5, 2019 09:06:29   #
riderxlx Loc: DFW area Texas
 
I have lived in NYC, California, some time in Colorado, Florida, Wisconsin for short time.
I will take Texas or Florida any day.

2
issa2006. wrote:
In NC when you say" Ya'll come see us" don't ask for a specific date and time because they are just saying "Goodbye"

Reply
Feb 5, 2019 09:48:07   #
TriX Loc: Raleigh, NC
 
A
John_F wrote:
You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where
1. You are willing to park three blocks away from your house because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your rear-end from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for four hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door at 500 degrees.
6. The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??

OR

You can retire to California where...
1. You make over $450,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
5. The four seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud and Drought.

OR

You can retire to New York City where..
1 You say, "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn. (IF you have a car.)
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

OR

You can retire to Minnesota where...
1. You only have three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.
2. Halloween costumes must fit over parkas.
3. You have seventeen recipes for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair.
6. The highest level of criticism is "He is different,”” She is different," or "It was different!"

OR

You can retire to The Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2 ”Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has two first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either: "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder.”
6. You can say anything about anyone, as long as you say, "Bless his heart” at the end!

OR

You can move to Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

OR

You can retire to Nebraska or Kansas where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition; "Where's my coat at?"

OR

FINALLY, you can retire to Florida where...
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind - even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where br 1. Yo... (show quote)


Excellent! I can attest to the fact that everything you said about the south is true (and we’re proud of it 😺)

Reply
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