LittleRed

Note - Most of these are for the lady photographers out there doing great things with a camera as my wife does. However, I just had to add a few for the fellas too.

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her
gourmet coffee
Her son is on the cover of the
Wheaties box
Her daughter is on the cover of
Business Week
Her boyfriend is on the cover of
Playgirl
And her husband is on the back of
the milk carton

(keep reading - they get better !!!!)

WOMAN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge" I asked
after foldin items the woman
wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I
noticed a remote control for a
television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV
remote?" I asked
"No she replied, "but my husband
refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil
thing I could do to him legally."

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN ( a man's perspective )

I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can
take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto the upper thigh, rip the
hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.


CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and
wanders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks
him if she can help him.
He answers that his is looking for a
box of tampons for his wife.
She directs hi down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a
huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of
string on the counter.
She says, confused. "Sir, I thought
you were looking for some tampons
for your wife?"
He answers, "You see, it's like this,
yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and
she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's
sooo-ooo-oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own
..........so does she.

(I figure this guy is the one on the
milk carton!!!)

WIFE VS HUSBAND

A couple drove down a
country road for several
miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had
let to an argument and
neither of them wanted to
concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard
of mules, goats and pigs,
the husband asked
sarcastically, "Relatives of
yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws"

WORDS

A husband read an article to
his wife about how many
words women use a day.
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The
reason has to be because
we have to repeat
everything to men....."
The husband then turned to
his wife and asked "What?"

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, " I
don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the
same time."
The wife responded "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would
be attracted to me;
and God made me stupid so I would be
attracted to you."

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an
argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said "You should do it
because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as
long to get our coffee."
The husband said, "You are in charge
of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your
job, and I can just wait for my coffee"
Wife replies, "No, you should do it,
and besides, it is in the Bible that the
man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't beleive that,
show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened
the New Testament and showed him
at the top of several pages, that
it did indeed say,
"HEBREWS"

THE SILENT TREATMENT

A man and his wife were having
some problems at home and were
giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the
next day, he would need his wife to
wake him at 5:00 AM for an early
morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break
the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on
a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.'
He left the note where he knew she
would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up,
only to discover it was 9:00 AM and
he had missed his flight. Furious, he
was about to go and see why is wife
hadn't wakened him, when he noticed
a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds
of contests.

And this final one is just for all the fine ladies reading this

God may have created man before
woman, but just remember, there is always a
ROUGH DRAFT BEFORE THE MASTERPIECE.

You'all have a great weekend Upcoming weekend.

LittleRed (Ron)

Flyerace Loc: Mt Pleasant, WI

Made me laugh. Good one!

NMGal Loc: NE NM

Made me laugh too.

jaymatt Loc: Alexandria, Indiana

DragonsLady Loc: Los Alamos, NM

Love them all.

EdJ0307 Loc: out west someplace

I hope so.

EdJ0307 Loc: out west someplace

Well, the one about the do-it-yourself tampons was OK.

jack schade Loc: La Pine Oregon

Jack

Daryl New Loc: Wellington,New Zealand

Thanks....

alby Loc: very eastern pa.

ALL GOOD!!!!!

David in Dallas Loc: Dallas, Texas, USA

Too many dissing the male.

LittleRed

Only took 10 posts before I got a slap-down from one of the super male bloggers on this site. Kind of surprised me it took so long. So my jokes are both critical and disrespectful to the mighty male species. Good God man, they are only jokes. Can you not laugh at yourself or your fellow men once in awhile. Perhaps you would be more comfortable if I would have posted a series of "blonde" jokes instead. Would that have been more to your liking.
And this is coming from a person who on another thread emphatically stated that he is a NAZI. Is not the use of this word show disrespect to all those who suffered from the atrocities of this group?
(Does it matter in which context you used that word, it is not one that should be played with, right!)

So, lighten up David, and learn to smile a bit now and then

LittleRed (Ron)

David in Dallas Loc: Dallas, Texas, USA

I wasn't making a personal comment about you, Ron, just that the balance seemed a bit off. I thought they were all funny, and I do have the ability to smile now and then. And you know that my use of the NAZI term was not intended to be a literal reference to that despicable organization--the context was important. If anyone here were actually upset by its use, I apologize.

"Super male blogger"? I certainly would never have expected to earn that title, and I'm sure I don't deserve it. I think "post whore" might be more applicable. (There's another term that might upset someone--sorry.)

David

LittleRed

To be honest with you I did not consider your comments to be about me. In fact I do not give a hoot whether you thought my posting was funny or whatever. However, I do take exception to your using the term NAZI to describe yourself regardless of the context. Many great men including some of my close relatives (including my father) either died or were forever crippled while serving in the Canadian Armed Forces fighting that 'despicable organization' as you so aptly described them. I think there are many other more appropriate terms that should have been used.
Do you really want to be remembered by readers of this blog as a Nazi, regardless of the context you intended? Sadly a lot of people will probably quickly forget the context part but not the descriptive term you used. According to the information shown within this website my post has been viewed by close to 3,500. I don't know how many people read your original posting that included the your original statement in the post labeled Typos, but since the activity there was much greater than on mine, I would estimate at least double of mine (probably at least 7,000). That would make it at least 10,000 readers. So that is the number of people whom (so far) have seen your description of yourself. Are you happy with this fact? I doubt this was your intention to label yourself as such but I think this could be the result. I truly hope not. But in this day and age it is very possible.
So, I highly recommend that you, in the future, will choose your words much more carefully.

LittleRed (Ron)