dennisallard Loc: Southern Maine

This handy advice was posted on Facebook by our family veterinarian, who also happens to be my cousin's wife.



How To Give A Cat A Pill



1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand... As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.


7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later...


8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.



How To Give A Dog A Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.

phlash46 Loc: Westchester County, New York

Tikva Loc: Waukesha, WI

Oh how funny. I laughed so hard at this that I had tears in my eyes. There is a lot of truth in it, having had 'fun' trying to give pills to various cats.

rehess Loc: South Bend, Indiana, USA

When the cat in my avatar was sick, before we knew she had lymphoma, I quickly learned to request liquid variant of the medication - easing syringe past her gums, teeth, and tongue was much easier than the pill routine.

samantha90 Loc: Fort Worth,Texas

LOL!! SO TRUE

jaymatt Loc: Alexandria, Indiana

The last one is the real answer.

Smudgey Loc: Ohio, Calif, Now Arizona

Absolutely true, but my dog prefers his pills wrapped in deli ham, no problem at all.

kmcclimon

I discovered my cat loved donuts. So when I had to give her a pill, I would buy a donut, give her a tiny piece, she would gobble it up, give her another one, gobble it up, and put the pill in the third one, and she would gobble up the piece of donut without even realizing there was a pill in that one, then gave her one final piece to make sure she had swallowed everything. The other cats...the liquid method in the syringe was perfect. Now however, they can give the cats an antibiotic shot and you don't have to deal with giving them anything else.

DeeAndre Loc: Boyertown PA

That was so funny. Really enjoyed it!

Thru the lens Loc: South Central PA

That's hilarious! I just read it to my husband and we are both laughing and thinking of who to share it with!

pounder35 Loc: "Southeast of Disorder"

LOL!!!!!!!!! I've never been a cat person. If I want attitude I'll get married again. A pill in a treat works every time with a dog.

AK Grandpa Loc: Anchorage, AK

Been there . . . Done that . . .

Quaking Aspen Loc: Cottage Grove, OR

"How To Give A Dog A Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon."

I'm not sure how your dog would behave if you wrapped it in bacon. Probably would lick it all off!

imntrt1 Loc: St. Louis

That is funny......Much the same process to give a Parrot drops of Antibiotics.