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Fixing My Wife's Hair
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Aug 14, 2014 18:44:20   #
willstaff Loc: Daytona Beach, Fl
 
It isn’t that my wife cannot afford to have her hair done at the beauty shop, it is just that she has always done her hair herself and has done a very good job of it for the past 70 plus years. There is a however though and the however is, I have recently been pressed into service as a hairdresser and am no good at fixing her hair. I guess if I were to use a technical term for my ability to fix her hair I would have to admit that I suck at it.

For the past forty years or so Karin has worn a pony tail and it is a good look for her with her long, blond hair though I admit, her hair is not as thick as it once was but then at 73 my hair isn’t as thick as it once was either.
Fixing my wife’s hair became my job after it was our misfortune to fall down an escalator in the Louisville, Kentucky airport. I’m still not sure what caused the fall but it was a whopper with lots of arms and legs and luggage that resulted in Karin coming up with a broken shoulder and my back a wreck.

Once we finally made it back to Florida and a trip to her orthopedic surgeon she wound up in an immobilization sling and band plus several weeks worth of happy pills.
She couldn’t raise her left arm at all but the fingers still worked.

On the third day after our tumble down the escalator, she decided she had taken enough of the happy pills and that it was time to get out of bed. One look in the mirror and she said she needed me to fix her hair. Fix her hair! It is all I can do to get mine to do what I want much less fix hers. Well after nearly 50 years of marriage I figured I should be able to do this and if not how bad can I make it? Turns out shampooing, combing, blow drying, and rolling hair is a lot harder than it looks. The first thing I did was get shampoo in her eyes and then I forgot to put conditioner in which makes combing even thin long hair difficult. I didn’t know Karin even knew some of the words she used. Well I guess she probably learned them from me but I’d never heard her use them and the combinations were a little out of the usual order too but I’ll chalk that up to a lack of practice. Once all the rats as she called them are combed out I went for the blower. First I didn’t have it set warm enough and then I had it set too hot and didn’t move it fast enough to keep from roasting her scalp. Again the words and this time they were followed by threats of what she was going to do to me in my sleep. I think those were idle threats as I am a light sleeper and would probably wake up with the first cut down there.

Finally the blow drying was completed and it was time to put her hair in the pony tail and rollers. I don’t know why it has to be rolled once the pony tail gets fixed but according to the expert it does. There is a real trick to grabbing a handful of hair while pulling a brush through it and I still have not mastered it. By the time I was about halfway through trying to get the ponytail fixed we are back to the bad words but now I’m in the spirit and we are calling one another ugly names. I’m sweating like Paris Hilton in church, my arms are tired and Karin has figured out how to use her middle finger while her arm is in the sling and immobilization band. Once again I didn’t know she even knew that universal sign.

After several failed attempts I eventually got the pony tail fixed or at least she said to just leave it the way I had it. Now it is time to put the hot rollers in the pony tail. This shouldn’t be a big task since I only have to put in two.
There really is a proper way to roll hair around a hot roller but I suspect it is something girls learn from their mothers or at slumber parties or trial and error. Guys however hardly ever learn the mystery because we just don’t put our hair up in rollers. Well most of us don’t anyway.
The first thing I learned about hot rollers is that you do not grab it by the end that has been sitting in the base warming up. I learned not to do it by actually doing it and turned loose of the damned thing quickly. It hit the bathroom floor tiles and rolled out of sight. I immediately stepped back to try and find it and found it with my bare foot. My second lesson with hot rollers – don’t step on one with bare feet. This is only the second time Karin has ever seen me lying on the floor, holding my foot, crying like a baby. The other time was when our youngest son had a birthday party at the house. There were several six and seven year old girls at the party too. Now in a house with only two boys there are no such things as jacks in the house to worry about so I didn’t. Apparently some of the girls didn’t think there would be enough things for them to do at the party since most of the children were boys so they brought along some jacks. One of the jacks wound up on the carpet in the hallway and I found it with a bare foot while going to the kitchen for breakfast the following morning. I don’t care how brave, macho, or thick skinned you are, when you step on a jack with your bare foot you are going to go down like a felled ox and lay there in the floor crying like a baby.

So now, back to the ponytail and hair rollers. After stepping on the hair roller Karin has this “serves you right” look on her face but I’m the one with the hot roller in his hand and I’m going to get those two rollers in her pony tail if it hair lips the Pope. I get the first bushel of hair wrapped around the roller and put the U shaped clip in place. I stepped back to admire my work only to watch as the roller slowly unwinds and falls to the floor. Obviously I’ve done something wrong and the expert tells me so - as if I needed her input. Three more tries and I finally get the hang of it and the second roller goes in without a hitch. I’m mastering this hair thing in spite of all the verbal help I’m getting from the one armed expert.

I figure by the time Karin gets out of the sling and immobilization band I will have mastered the ponytail and learned new combinations of swear words.

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Aug 14, 2014 18:52:13   #
dljen Loc: Central PA
 
Hahaha, this is funny! Does she have her arm wrapped around her body? This is what I had to do when I broke my shoulder. Good luck! :)

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Aug 14, 2014 19:27:08   #
Adicus Loc: New Zealand
 
What is a "jack"

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Aug 14, 2014 19:53:43   #
willstaff Loc: Daytona Beach, Fl
 
dljen wrote:
Hahaha, this is funny! Does she have her arm wrapped around her body? This is what I had to do when I broke my shoulder. Good luck! :)


Yes dljen the wrap is velcroed to the sling and then wraps around her body pretty much locking the broken shoulder to her body. It has been very effective as it has kept the pain to a minimum.

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Aug 14, 2014 20:03:33   #
willstaff Loc: Daytona Beach, Fl
 
Adicus wrote:
What is a "jack"


Let's see if this works. Here is a picture of some jacks.



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Aug 14, 2014 20:06:16   #
dljen Loc: Central PA
 
willstaff wrote:
Yes dljen the wrap is velcroed to the sling and then wraps around her body pretty much locking the broken shoulder to her body. It has been very effective as it has kept the pain to a minimum.


That's what I had, Will. She will probably have to go to physical therapy after they remove it. Your arm becomes "frozen" in place and it can be very painful to get the proper movement back. I hope she takes advantage of all therapy regardless of the pain because if she doesn't, she will never have complete movement in that arm. I wish her luck.

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Aug 14, 2014 20:24:29   #
willstaff Loc: Daytona Beach, Fl
 
dljen wrote:
That's what I had, Will. She will probably have to go to physical therapy after they remove it. Your arm becomes "frozen" in place and it can be very painful to get the proper movement back. I hope she takes advantage of all therapy regardless of the pain because if she doesn't, she will never have complete movement in that arm. I wish her luck.


It has been a little over a months since our fall and she had her second physical therapy session Wednesday. You are absolutely right, the pain is pretty bad after therapy but she is working hard with the home exercises. She is a darn tough old girl and will definitely take advantage of all the therapy sessions Medicare/Tricare offers. In the meantime she has decided she is unable to do any housework. I told her she still has a good right arm and she is right handed so the vacuum cleaner will fit perfectly plus it will be good exercise. It didn't work! I am now the official vacuum cleaner, ironer, bed maker, dish washer, and whatever else she decides she can't do. If I hadn't had her so long I'd send her back but I think the warranty expired a long time ago. Well I've also put a lot of time and money into her scheduled and unscheduled maintenance over the past 50 years too and would probably lose that.

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Aug 14, 2014 20:26:02   #
dljen Loc: Central PA
 
willstaff wrote:
It has been a little over a months since our fall and she had her second physical therapy session Wednesday. You are absolutely right, the pain is pretty bad after therapy but she is working hard with the home exercises. She is a darn tough old girl and will definitely take advantage of all the therapy sessions Medicare/Tricare offers. In the meantime she has decided she is unable to do any housework. I told her she still has a good right arm and she is right handed so the vacuum cleaner will fit perfectly plus it will be good exercise. It didn't work! I am now the official vacuum cleaner, ironer, bed maker, dish washer, and whatever else she decides she can't do. If I hadn't had her so long I'd send her back but I think the warranty expired a long time ago. Well I've also put a lot of time and money into her scheduled and unscheduled maintenance over the past 50 years too and would probably lose that.
It has been a little over a months since our fall ... (show quote)


It sounds like you two have just broken in each other. :thumbup: :thumbup:

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Aug 14, 2014 20:31:56   #
Gitzo Loc: Indiana
 
Adicus wrote:
What is a "jack"




Adicus; Although I haven't seen any Jacks for about 65 years now, I'll try to explain them from memory; It's a kids game, (mostly played by little girls if my memory serves me correctly ); the "jacks" are small little things made from "pot metal" (I'm guessing? ), and each jack has six "arms" or "points", radiating out from the center, with 4 of the arms being in the same plane, and the other two at right angles to the other 4; each jack is maybe 20mm from side to side; the little "arms" are rather rounded on the ends, with two of them opposite each other being "ball-shaped" on the ends.

I'm really guessing now, as I never "played jacks" when I was a little boy, as I was always more into going to a creek to catch water snakes, or to a field to catch field mice, (to feed to my king snakes ), but I did notice a few little girls playing jacks; as best that I can remember, it seems like they had maybe a dozen jacks in a small open can, and a small rubber ball; I think the object was to first bounce the ball, and while it was still in the air, quickly dump the jacks out on the floor, then very quickly attempting to grab them all up and put back in the can before the little ball landed back on the floor from it's first bounce.

Thinking back now with an adult mind, I suppose jacks could have been considered to be a perfectly safe toy for the age kids that they were originally intended for, which I'm guessing again may have been age 5 or 6, to perhaps age 10 or 11; on the other hand, I'm also guessing that to small "toddlers" or infants who always tend to stick any small object into their mouth, that in today's world of "product liability" and over-zealous lawyers, the people who invented and sold jacks are probably now all mouldering away in some dungeon, after first being sued for 100 million $$$ by said lawyers. I'm also guessing that there have also probably been a few surgeons who have had to perform major surgery on infants or toddlers who

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Aug 14, 2014 20:31:57   #
Gitzo Loc: Indiana
 
Adicus wrote:
What is a "jack"




Adicus; Although I haven't seen any Jacks for about 65 years now, I'll try to explain them from memory; It's a kids game, (mostly played by little girls if my memory serves me correctly ); the "jacks" are small little things made from "pot metal" (I'm guessing? ), and each jack has six "arms" or "points", radiating out from the center, with 4 of the arms being in the same plane, and the other two at right angles to the other 4; each jack is maybe 20mm from side to side; the little "arms" are rather rounded on the ends, with two of them opposite each other being "ball-shaped" on the ends.

I'm really guessing now, as I never "played jacks" when I was a little boy, as I was always more into going to a creek to catch water snakes, or to a field to catch field mice, (to feed to my king snakes ), but I did notice a few little girls playing jacks; as best that I can remember, it seems like they had maybe a dozen jacks in a small open can, and a small rubber ball; I think the object was to first bounce the ball, and while it was still in the air, quickly dump the jacks out on the floor, then very quickly attempting to grab them all up and put back in the can before the little ball landed back on the floor from it's first bounce.

Thinking back now with an adult mind, I suppose jacks could have been considered to be a perfectly safe toy for the age kids that they were originally intended for, which I'm guessing again may have been age 5 or 6, to perhaps age 10 or 11; on the other hand, I'm also guessing that to small "toddlers" or infants who always tend to stick any small object into their mouth, that in today's world of "product liability" and over-zealous lawyers, the people who invented and sold jacks are probably now all mouldering away in some dungeon, after first being sued for 100 million $$$ by said lawyers. I'm also guessing that there have also probably been a few surgeons who have had to perform major surgery on infants or toddlers who

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Aug 14, 2014 21:07:05   #
mwalsh Loc: Houston
 
Long winded answer to a simple question. The photo poster pretty well took care of it.

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Aug 14, 2014 21:46:33   #
Adicus Loc: New Zealand
 
Thanks guys I now what you mean now and we had something similar back in the UK when I was a kid but I think we may have called them knuckle-bones or something.

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Aug 14, 2014 22:24:59   #
Gitzo Loc: Indiana
 
Adicus wrote:
What is a "jack"





Adicus;

Although I haven't seen any Jacks for about 65 years now, I'll try to explain them from memory; It's a kids game, (mostly played by little girls if my memory serves me correctly ); the "jacks" are small little things made from "pot metal" (I'm guessing? ), and each jack has six "arms" or "points", radiating out from the center, with 4 of the arms being in the same plane, and the other two at right angles to the other 4; each jack is maybe 20mm from side to side; the little "arms" are rather rounded on the ends, with two of them opposite each other being "ball-shaped" on the ends. when the jack falls on the floor, it always comes to rest on three of the little arms; (for lack of a more descriptive word to describe them. )

I'm really guessing now, as I never "played jacks" when I was a little boy, as I was always more into going to a creek to catch water snakes, or to a field to catch field mice, (to feed to my king snakes ), but I did notice a few little girls playing jacks; as best that I can remember, it seems like they had maybe a dozen jacks in a small open can, and a small rubber ball; I think the object was to first bounce the ball, and while it was still in the air, quickly dump the jacks out on the floor, then very quickly attempting to grab them all up and put back in the can before the little ball landed back on the floor from it's first bounce.

Uh,Oh.......I just checked with my "chief consultant on everything"....my wife, and I had it close but I was a little off; it seems that there are only 8 jacks; the little ball is thrown up, and while it's still going "up", the "player" grabs one jack before the ball lands; after the ball bounces again, the player grabs the ball with the same hand that's holding the jack; the ball is then thrown up again, and the player must grab two jacks before the ball bounces; now the ball is thrown up again, (with the same hand that's now holding 3 jacks ), and this time the player has to grab three jacks with the hand that's already holding three jacks! On the next "throw up", (with the hand now holding six jacks), the player must grab up the last 2 jacks without dropping any of the 6 jacks, then catch the ball after the bounce while now holding all 8 jacks! My wife has informed me that her mother was a world champion jack player, and could actually do it with 12 jacks, all without dropping a single jack. (Frankly, I still think catching snakes was more fun. )

Thinking back now with an adult mind, I suppose jacks could have been considered to be a perfectly safe toy for the age kids that they were originally intended for, which I'm guessing again may have been age 5 or 6, to perhaps age 10 or 11; on the other hand, I'm also guessing that to small "toddlers" or infants who always tend to stick any small object into their mouth, that in today's world of "product liability" and over-zealous lawyers, the people who invented and sold jacks are probably now all mouldering away in some dungeon, after first being sued for 100 million $$$ by said lawyers. I'm also guessing that there have also probably been a few surgeons who have had to perform major surgery on infants or toddlers who swallowed one or more of these little "jacks".........and we have just now heard from one adult male as to how stepping on a "jack" with one's bare feet, "feels"! (Thank heavens the ends of at least 4 of the ends of these little things was at least "rounded" rather than "pointed"! )

Taking all of the above into consideration, I'm guessing one more time that all of these things mentioned are probably why one very seldom (if ever ), sees little girls playing with jacks these days.

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Aug 14, 2014 22:29:05   #
mwalsh Loc: Houston
 
Yeah, every one needed that diatribe posted three times to get it. Thanks for making it even more long winded the third time.

The photo pretty much cleared things up for the Brit.

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Aug 14, 2014 22:33:59   #
Gitzo Loc: Indiana
 
mwalsh wrote:
Long winded answer to a simple question. The photo poster pretty well took care of it.



Yes, but it didn't explain anything about what "jacks" are used for.

BTW........why don't you go take a short "leap" off of a TALL building?

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