A few more smiles..........Graham
Dec 23, 2017 09:22:50 #
In heaven, there were two huge signs. The first read, Men Who Did What Their Wives Told Them to Do. The line of men under this sign stretched as far as the eye could see. The second sign stated, Men Who Did What They Wanted to Do. Only one man stood under that sign. Intrigued, St. Peter said to the lone man, No one has ever stood under this sign. Tell me about yourself. The man shrugged and said, Not much to say; my wife told me to stand here.
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A skeleton walks into a bar. The bartender says, What'll you have? The skeleton says, Gimme a beer and a mop.
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My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married, and I didn't want him to.
Think about it?
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A Hollywood starlet tells her doctor that her body hurts all over.
Show me, says the doctor.
So she pokes her forearm and screams in pain. Then she touches her thigh and screams again. She pokes her toe and screams.
I think I know what the problem is, he says. You have a broken finger.
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Two racehorses are in the stable. One says to the other, You know, before that last race
The one that you won? asks the other horse.
Yeah; before that last race, I felt a pinch in my hindquarters.
The other horse says, Funny, I felt a pinch in my hindquarters before the race that I won.
A dog walking by says, You idiots; you're being doped. They're injecting you with a drug to make you run faster!
One horse turns to the other and says, Hey, a talking dog!
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A man comes to Mrs. Smiths door and says, Theres been an accident at the brewery. Your husband fell into a vat of beer and drowned.
Mrs. Smith wails, Oh, the poor man! He never had a chance!
The man says, I dont know about that. He got out three times to go to the bathroom.
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During D-Day, an American GI phoned in to his base,The Germans are shooting at me. The base replied, How do you know? He yells back: Because they are hitting me.
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My father was a night watchman, but he was a victim of technology. He was replaced by a lock.
Have a great Peaceful Christmas and New Year......Keep Smilin'
Cheers and fine ale and good grub.
Graham
\098/
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A skeleton walks into a bar. The bartender says, What'll you have? The skeleton says, Gimme a beer and a mop.
===========
My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married, and I didn't want him to.
Think about it?
=============
A Hollywood starlet tells her doctor that her body hurts all over.
Show me, says the doctor.
So she pokes her forearm and screams in pain. Then she touches her thigh and screams again. She pokes her toe and screams.
I think I know what the problem is, he says. You have a broken finger.
=========
Two racehorses are in the stable. One says to the other, You know, before that last race
The one that you won? asks the other horse.
Yeah; before that last race, I felt a pinch in my hindquarters.
The other horse says, Funny, I felt a pinch in my hindquarters before the race that I won.
A dog walking by says, You idiots; you're being doped. They're injecting you with a drug to make you run faster!
One horse turns to the other and says, Hey, a talking dog!
===========
A man comes to Mrs. Smiths door and says, Theres been an accident at the brewery. Your husband fell into a vat of beer and drowned.
Mrs. Smith wails, Oh, the poor man! He never had a chance!
The man says, I dont know about that. He got out three times to go to the bathroom.
==========
During D-Day, an American GI phoned in to his base,The Germans are shooting at me. The base replied, How do you know? He yells back: Because they are hitting me.
================
My father was a night watchman, but he was a victim of technology. He was replaced by a lock.
Have a great Peaceful Christmas and New Year......Keep Smilin'
Cheers and fine ale and good grub.
Graham
\098/
Dec 24, 2017 08:35:19 #
The spinster had been cooking dinner for the next door bachelor for forty years.
She says 'I think we should get married'.
He says 'Ah sure, who'd have us at our age'.
She says 'I think we should get married'.
He says 'Ah sure, who'd have us at our age'.
Dec 24, 2017 08:38:57 #
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