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I Forgot My Glasses
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Jan 26, 2013 09:28:22   #
ace-mt Loc: Montana
 
Thanks Sarge for another good one. Good luck with your new adventure!

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Jan 26, 2013 10:02:16   #
sleepy51 Loc: Makoshika Park--Montana
 
Check 2 off the Bucket-List at once Sarge,Mile-High-Club and Parachuting at the same time. Good Luck

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Jan 26, 2013 10:30:14   #
KeithF199 Loc: Frisco, Texas
 
I thank you. As an aside, I really enjoy your postings and intellect, your years in the military have taught you well, it shows.
Ever in Texas, give me a head up, we can meet, drink Texas Tea and tell lies.

Keith

.
ace-mt wrote:
Keith, your avatar cracked me up! :thumbup:

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Jan 26, 2013 10:31:33   #
KeithF199 Loc: Frisco, Texas
 
Hell, had my best hair and makeup on two, teefs a bit tough but they do get brushed once a week whether they need it or not.


quote=ace-mt]Keith, your avatar cracked me up! :thumbup:[/quote]

:oops:

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Jan 26, 2013 10:57:29   #
gmcase Loc: Galt's Gulch
 
Do the club rules allow doing all 5 jumps in one day or do you have to spread them out over a whole week?

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Jan 26, 2013 11:58:33   #
UP-2-IT Loc: RED STICK, LA
 
sarge69 wrote:
Yesterday my daughter asked why I didn't do something useful with my time. She suggested I go down to the Senior Center and hang out with the guys.


I did this and when I got home last night I told her that I had
joined a Parachute Club.

She said, "Are you nuts? You're 70 years old and you're going
to start jumping out of airplanes?"

I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card She said to me, "Good grief, where are your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club!"


I'm in trouble again, and I don't know what to do... I signed up for five jumps a week.

Sarge69
Yesterday my daughter asked why I didn't do someth... (show quote)


Hang in there Sarge, remember take a deep breath and bend your knees. Most imporant do not yell Geronimo very loudly, might scare your landing zone.

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Jan 26, 2013 13:24:34   #
Pepsiman Loc: New York City
 
***** Five times a week I don't think so...

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Jan 26, 2013 15:19:44   #
Swizzle Loc: Shoals, In.
 
Years ago when I was around 32 years old, my friends talked me into going with them to take classes and jump from a plane. I had no intentions of doing so, I took along my knitting to occupy my time in the class while listening to the instructions, all the time knowing I was perfectly happy watching them listening to the instructions. Class was over, and as we leave the instructor at the class had his hand out for $75, I said,"I'm with my friends, they are jumping and I'm just here for support!" "Doesn't matter, you sat in the class, you pay," he said. I thought, "Shit, I've got to pay, I might as well jump." After all the outside practice of jumping, rolling and running around the chute, we were ready for the plane. The chutes were so heavey, I weighted 115 pounds, that someone had to hold me up because I couldn't stand with all the gear on me. We get in the plane, and I said, "I have to jump first or I'll never do it." I'm out holding on to the strut and standing on the small step. The pilot yells, "Jump!" I did. It was dead silent, felt no wind and things seem to be going well, until I saw the large ram's head power lines. I knew if I didn't go over top of them I would be fried, so I turned my air force chute around so the air would go in the openings and lift me over the lines, it worked! But, the hanger was next, and I landed on the roof, no way to run around the chute to collapsed it. I was dragged off the roof and landed on my head. Even with a helmet on, I ended up with a fractured skull. But to continue with the story, I ended up in the ambulance on the way Moorseville, the tech saw fluid coming from my ears and alerted the driver to head to Indy. Well...they had forgot to strap me on the cart and I rolled out and hit the floor. Finally got to the hospital and it was a hospital noted for all the shooting, stabbins, burns and other things. They had put my arm in a sling, and they weren't paying attention and ran my arm into the door facing almost losing me again. I'm coming and going in out of my head. When I come to, I remember hear the man in the bed next to me stabbed the man across from me and he had raped the little girl several beds down. I thought to myself, "I died and went to Hell!" To make this even more upsetting to me, was the fluid in my ears was actually tears from my eyes, and I had a cracked elbow and hip from a previous horse accident that got banged up really bad from being dropped from the cart and banged into the door facing. As I look back on this whole experience. I always tell everyone, "It was an experience that I've never will do again, especially why I jumped out of a perfectly good airplane is beyond me, just to save $75.

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Jan 26, 2013 15:36:24   #
sarge69 Loc: Ft Myers, FL
 
Errrr, nothing I could have done can pale your experience. I jumped, I landed. I bow to your experience.

Sarge69

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Jan 26, 2013 18:14:43   #
Hal81 Loc: Bucks County, Pa.
 
Sarg, dose that mean you have to jump out of a plane with a prostitute? Wow! fly united.

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Jan 26, 2013 18:55:49   #
sarge69 Loc: Ft Myers, FL
 
Hal81 wrote:
Sarg, dose that mean you have to jump out of a plane with a prostitute? Wow! fly united.


I bet if I jumped out of a plane now, I would not need a parachute with all this loose skin.

Sarge69

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Jan 26, 2013 21:56:39   #
imntrt1 Loc: St. Louis
 
Swizzle wrote:
Years ago when I was around 32 years old, my friends talked me into going with them to take classes and jump from a plane. I had no intentions of doing so, I took along my knitting to occupy my time in the class while listening to the instructions, all the time knowing I was perfectly happy watching them listening to the instructions. Class was over, and as we leave the instructor at the class had his hand out for $75, I said,"I'm with my friends, they are jumping and I'm just here for support!" "Doesn't matter, you sat in the class, you pay," he said. I thought, "Shit, I've got to pay, I might as well jump." After all the outside practice of jumping, rolling and running around the chute, we were ready for the plane. The chutes were so heavey, I weighted 115 pounds, that someone had to hold me up because I couldn't stand with all the gear on me. We get in the plane, and I said, "I have to jump first or I'll never do it." I'm out holding on to the strut and standing on the small step. The pilot yells, "Jump!" I did. It was dead silent, felt no wind and things seem to be going well, until I saw the large ram's head power lines. I knew if I didn't go over top of them I would be fried, so I turned my air force chute around so the air would go in the openings and lift me over the lines, it worked! But, the hanger was next, and I landed on the roof, no way to run around the chute to collapsed it. I was dragged off the roof and landed on my head. Even with a helmet on, I ended up with a fractured skull. But to continue with the story, I ended up in the ambulance on the way Moorseville, the tech saw fluid coming from my ears and alerted the driver to head to Indy. Well...they had forgot to strap me on the cart and I rolled out and hit the floor. Finally got to the hospital and it was a hospital noted for all the shooting, stabbins, burns and other things. They had put my arm in a sling, and they weren't paying attention and ran my arm into the door facing almost losing me again. I'm coming and going in out of my head. When I come to, I remember hear the man in the bed next to me stabbed the man across from me and he had raped the little girl several beds down. I thought to myself, "I died and went to Hell!" To make this even more upsetting to me, was the fluid in my ears was actually tears from my eyes, and I had a cracked elbow and hip from a previous horse accident that got banged up really bad from being dropped from the cart and banged into the door facing. As I look back on this whole experience. I always tell everyone, "It was an experience that I've never will do again, especially why I jumped out of a perfectly good airplane is beyond me, just to save $75.
Years ago when I was around 32 years old, my frien... (show quote)


Whew....When things go downhill they really go downhill, don't they? I had a night like that at work one time.

I was working the night watch in a high crime area of St. Louis. I had reported to duty at 11PM and we had a roll call and briefing for the coming tour of duty. About mid way through the briefing a supervisor from the afternoon watch came into the briefing room and told us that some county officers had chased a car load of Armed Robbery Suspects into our area and they had abandoned their car and were currently involved in a running gun battle. Our supervisor told myself and two other officers that would be riding that night in the area of the gun battle to come with him and we would proceed to the area. Once in the area we were informed that the suspects had run into a massive cemetery near some railroad tracks. Myself and many other officers went up onto the railroad tracks in an effort to locate the suspects in the darkness. After a few minutes up there in low light, I saw one of the suspects running toward us in the darkness. Since they were known to be armed and had fired on other officers I opened up on him. Well, my first shots must have startled the cop behind me with a shotgun and when he flinched he inadvertently pulled the trigger and shot me in both legs. By that time, the bad guy started yelling that he wanted to surrender, so I started down the embankment to arrest him. On the way down the embankment my feet slipped on the dew wet grass and my tailbone landed on a small stump, cracking it. I got up, handcuffed the bad guy and handed him off to another officer so I could look for more suspects in the darkness. I climbed over a fence and began a search in the graveyard. The fence I climbed over was covered with poison Ivy, which I am very sensitive to, and by the next afternoon my eyes were swollen shut from it. So before I had been to work for 30 minutes, I had been shot, cracked my tailbone, and been exposed to poison Ivy. At least I got to go home early.

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Jan 26, 2013 22:33:16   #
UP-2-IT Loc: RED STICK, LA
 
Hal81 wrote:
Sarg, dose that mean you have to jump out of a plane with a prostitute? Wow! fly united.


yeah Hal, they just got their tails painted, be sure it's dry Sarge!

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Jan 27, 2013 12:42:00   #
DePratt Loc: Stantonsburg, NC
 
mwoods222 wrote:
A guy comes home to find his wife rubbing her boobs with wax paper. He asks "What are u doing ?"
She tells him the doctor said if she rubs her boobs with wax paper they will get bigger to which he replies " Try toilet paper it worked on your ass



Funeral tomorrow at 12:lol:

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