John_F Loc: Minneapolis, MN

WE ARE PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE LUTHERAN AIRLINES IS NOW OPERATING IN MINNYSOTA!
ALSO SERVING VISCONSIN, NORDERN MITCHIGEN, NORT & SOUT DAKOTA

If you are travelin soon, consider Lutran Air, the no-frills airline. You're all in da same boat on Lutran Air, here flyin is a upliftin experience:

- Dair is no first class on any Lutran Air flight.

- Meals are potluck. Rows 1 tru 6, bring rolls; 7 tru 15, bring a salad; 16 tru 21, a hot dish, and 22-30, a dessert.

- Basses and tenors please sit in da rear of da aircraft.

- Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage.

- All fares are by free will offering, and da plane will not land til da budget is met.

- Pay attention to your flight attendant, who vill acquaint you wit da safety system aboard dis Lutran Air.

Okay den, listen up; I'm only gonna say dis vonce: In da event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly gonna be real surprised and so vill Captain Olson, because ve fly right around two tousand feet, so loss of cabin pressure would probably mean da Second Coming or someting of dat nature, and I wouldn't bodder with doze liddle masks on da rubber tu bes--you're gonna have bigger tings to worry about den dat. Just stuff doze back up in dair liddle holes.

Probably da masks fell out because of turbulence which, to be honest wit you, we're gonna have quite a bit of at two tousand feet, sorta like driving across a plowed field, but after a while you get used to it. In da event of a water landing, I'd say forget it.

Start saying da Lord's Prayer and just hope you get to da part about forgive us our sins as we forgive dose who sin against us, which some people say 'trespass against us,' which isn't right, but what can you do?

Da use of cell phones on da plane is strictly forbidden, not because day may confuse da plane's navigation system, which is by da pants all da way. No, it's because cell phones are a pain in da wazoo, and if God had meant you to use a cell phone, He wudda put your mout on da side of your head.

We start lunch right about noon and it's buffet style wit da coffeepot up front. Den we'll have da hymn sing; hymnals are in da seat pockets in front of you. Don't take yours wit you when you go or I am gonna be real upset and I am NOT kiddin!

Right now I'll say Grace: Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest and let deze gifts to us be blessed. Fader, Son, and Holy Ghost, May we land in Dulut or pretty close.

robertjerl Loc: Corona, California

retiredsgt Loc: Red Lion Pa.

As a Lutheran, I'd say you were Right On ! Y'all did MISS one important item. Something NEEDS to be said about the empty Front Rows. If you have EVER been in a Lutheran Church, You KNOW THE FRONT SEATS ARE ALWAYS EMPTY

phlash46 Loc: Westchester County, New York

DragonsLady Loc: Los Alamos, NM

Maybe they're not empty on your flight - depends on who's piloting the plane - if the preacher is flying the plane, the first row will be empty, if not, then the first row will be filled since they can't be targeted in the sermon.

SAVH Loc: La Jolla, CA

That is just too good! You did a very good job with the accents. I love it. And, I have just sent it to my college roommate who lives in northern Minnesota.

stepha11 Loc: Trail British Coluimbia

As one who was born and lived in northern Minnesota, for fond memories , I would fly on this great airline!

Ka2azman Loc: Tucson, Az

I don't believe " All fares are by free will offering, and da plane will not land til da budget is met. " The budget probably will never be met but the plane will come down eventually. It is called a crash because of a lack of fuel. One thing about air planes, one has never been left up there once it has taken off. Every air plane has come down.