Graham Thirkill Loc: Idylic North Yorkshire, England UK.

Always unfairly the butt of jokes........

>
> FIRSTDEGREE
> A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning .
> The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up.
> The husband said, 'Who was that?'
> The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'
>
>
> SECOND DEGREE
> Two blondes are walking down the street.
> One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up.
> She opens it, looks in the mirror and says,
> 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.'
> The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!'
> So, the first blonde hands her the compact.
> The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'
>
>
> THIRD DEGREE
> A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.
> She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
>
> Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun and, as she does so, she is overcome with grief
> She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
> The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'
> The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'
>
>
> FOURTH DEGREE
> A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
> She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me, ... I know 'em all.'
> A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?'
> The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy .. it's W.'
>
>
> FIFTH DEGREE
> Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
> A: 'Is it mine?'
>
>
> SIXTH DEGREE
> Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US government class.
> The professor asked Bambi if she knew
> what Roe vs. Wade was about.
> Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, 'That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the
Delaware.'
>
>
> SEVENTH DEGREE
> Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized.
> She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
> The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.
>
> As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch,
shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.
> Putting her face in her hands, she moaned,
> 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen.
> I call the police for help and what do they do?
> They send me a BLIND policeman!'
>
>
> OKAY, FORWARD THIS TO ANYONE ELSE YOU MIGHT THINK NEEDS A LAUGH TODAY.
>
> EVEN IF YOU ARE BLONDE YOU HAVE TO LOVE THIS:
>
>
> Two blondes were sipping their Starbucks when a truck went past loaded up with rolls of sod.
> "I'm going to do that when I win the lottery,"
> announced #1 Blonde.
> "Do what?" asked #2 Blonde .
> "Send my lawn out to be mowed."


Sorry to all blondes.....Cheers and Beers,
Graham
098

Bob I 41 Loc: Indiana

Graham.....you've left me smiling! Funny thing is I married a blond 49 + years ago. She has chosen to go....natural white & she is so much smarter now!! Or perhaps.....I've gotten dumber! Bob

Leicaflex Loc: Cymru

DaveO Loc: Northeast CT

My daughter-in-law is going to love these!

J-SPEIGHT Loc: Akron, Ohio

Very funny Graham. Although I do know some brunettes like that too.

dragonfist Loc: Stafford, N.Y.

I married a blond 56 years ago and now I finally figure out she has always dyed her hair. Has to be as she is and always has been one smart lady. However she will be hearing these when she is having her morning coffee. Thanks Graham, those were great.

nimbushopper Loc: Tampa, FL

Good ones, here's some more(I've been married to a natural blond for 50 years).

Two blondes were going to Disneyland. They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and turned around and went home.


FLORIDA OR MOON

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?'
The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooo, can you see Florida ?'


CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'


SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff,
'I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take my license away, and now today you expect me to show it to you?'


AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

A gorgeous young redhead went into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and
screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'

KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'
'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'


BLONDE ON TIME
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'
'Helllooooo. . . ,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'



IN A VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.
It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature
Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'


FINALLY, THE BLOND JOKE TO END ALL BLOND JOKES!
In the swim-meet, after the blonde came in last competing in the breast-stroke, she complained to the judges that all the other girls were using their arms.

Graham Thirkill Loc: Idylic North Yorkshire, England UK.

===========

Steady on Jack, we don't want a war........(;-))

Cheers and Beers
Graham
098

Graham Thirkill Loc: Idylic North Yorkshire, England UK.

You are welcome it is my pleasure absolutely.....

Cheers and Beers
Graham
098

jaymatt Loc: Alexandria, Indiana

olddutch Loc: Beloit, Wisconsin

My Favorite;BlondeA flight is on its way to Sydney when a blonde in economy class gets up, and moves to the first class section and sits down
submitted 1 year ago * by Unkie_Herb
The flight attendant watches her do this, and asks to see her ticket.
She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class, and that she will have to sit in the back.
The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Sydney and I’m staying right here”.
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in first class, that belongs in economy, and won’t move back to her seat.
The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.
The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Sydney and I’m staying right here”.
The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won’t listen to reason.
The pilot says, “You say she is a blonde? I’ll handle this, I’m married to a blonde. I speak blonde”.
He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, “Oh, I’m sorry” and gets up and goes back to her seat in economy.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.
I told her, “First class isn’t going to Sydney “

ICN3S Loc: Cave Junction, OR

I think I read UHH for the jokes😀

Paul J. Svetlik Loc: Colorado

A good collection, Graham!
No. 6 reminds me Marco Rubio (and some other polititians) answering a simple question.

ebbote Loc: Hockley, Texas

Very funny blond jokes, all of them.

lindysue12

A little risque-----A blond buys a Schnauzer, she fears the dog has a hearing problem. She takes the dog to the vet. After examining the Schnauzer the vet tells the blond the dogs hearing is fine, but the gross amount of hair in his ears are what is causing the hearing loss. The vet tells the blond to go to a drug store and buy Nair and rub the Nair in the dogs ears twice a week for a month. She goes and buys the Nair and is paying when the druggist says, Miss, if your going to use this under your arms don't use anything greasy there for 2 weeks. The blond says, I'm not using it under my arms. The druggist then says if your going to use it on your legs don't use anything greasy there for 2 weeks. The blond say, I'm not going to use it on my legs either, I'm going to use it on my Schnauzer. The druggist then says-I see-In that case don't ride a bicycle for 3 weeks